Anatoly Nekrasov, "Mother's Love": reviews and summary

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

The problem of parental love, raising children is raised in many works and articles. In modern society, as a whole, there is a cult of childhood, which was not typical for past centuries. And sometimes some authors struggle with it. Anatoly Nekrasov also belongs to them. The book "Maternal Love" is dedicated to debunking the myths associated with parental feelings. The author is sure they are overrated.

Description

In the book "Maternal Love" Anatoly Nekrasov notes that parental feelings can harm a person. The first part is devoted to the fact that since the 13th century a tendency has been brewing in society to make motherhood holy. This is being done with the active support of Christianity. At the same time, parents are the most real owners, egoists. Someone treats children quite perversely. As a rule, the most crippling thing for a child is the mother's attitude towards him as "the only light in the window", the main goal of life. This is sometimes worse than the situation when a person loves from childhoodnot getting enough.

Relations between a man and a woman

The relationship between a man and a woman becomes quite difficult with the birth of a child. The author Anatoly Nekrasov writes in Mother's Love that after this, the male representative in the family is relegated to the background. And the reason lies in maternal love. But in reviews of Nekrasov's "Maternal Love", readers note that a loving man will think about how to pay attention to his woman himself and help her in a difficult period of time for her instead of making demands.

But Nekrasov is sure that in such a situation a man becomes a helpless victim who is not given enough attention. Speaking about maternal love, Nekrasov emphasizes that the feeling of attachment to one's continuation is due to the influence of society and instinct. But in the reviews of Anatoly Nekrasov's book "Maternal Love" it is indicated that the author forgets that feelings for a man are also caused by instinct, and much weaker than in relation to offspring. And if in relation to a man it, as a rule, turns off shortly after the main task of communication between a man and a woman - the continuation of offspring - is completed, then in relation to children, instinct, along with strong attachment, persists for life.

According to the author, one of the common reasons for many failures and the negative impact of education on a person is the presence of excessive attention from parents who experience too strong feelings. In the book "Maternal Love" Nekrasov emphasizes that the worldcreated in such a way that it contains a constant desire for harmony. And if there is a bias somewhere, it becomes a harmful factor in human life. If something is added, somewhere it is taken away.

Destructive Feelings

In the content of "Mother's Love" Nekrasov included life examples described from his point of view. So, he describes an average family in which the mother controls everything, and the father indulges her. Parents raise their son, giving him a car, defining him in the university. One day he asks for a more expensive car - and then his mother borrows a new BMW. On it, a young man gets into a fatal car accident while taking part in illegal races.

In this case, the mother suffers from her own feelings of guilt, and also pays a loan for a wrecked car that became the site of the death of her only child.

The author of "Mother's Love" Anatoly Nekrasov believes that there is a way to avoid such things. He sees the cure in the harmonious development of relationships in a couple and concentration on his own life. In the readers' reviews of "Mother's Love" by Nekrasov, many were outraged by the fact that the author considers the relationship between a man and a woman to be primary, despite the fact that with 80% probability these relationships will fall apart within a few years. After all, according to official data, 80% of all marriages in Russia break up. People constantly sort out partners and spouses. While born children remain family people for life.

But the summary of Nekrasov's "Mother's Love" is such that a man anda woman, as he believes, needs to devote all the time to each other. They need to reveal special traits in each other - femininity and masculinity.

Reviews

First of all, in the reviews of Anatoly Nekrasov's "Mother's Love" the words often appear that a nulliparous man can easily talk about what a mother should be like, what feelings to experience, because in practice he himself never has such feelings will experience. Meanwhile, many women note in the reviews that when they had a child, the father calmly fell asleep at night, and the woman listened to the baby's sigh. She carried him for 9 months, fed him, nature conceived the strongest maternal instinct and attachment to her continuation. All this will never be fully experienced by a man. Therefore, it is easy for him to talk about it without experiencing and knowing what a woman's feelings really are.

Also in the reviews of the book "Mother's Love" by Nekrasov, it is noted that the work resembles the grumbling of a man who is offended by women. After all, the author blames the female gender for everything. The work contains unsuccessful and far-fetched examples, although it is clear what the author was trying to say. His thought is that excessive love harms a person.

Hyper-guardianship has a negative impact on the child. But he presents all this in a rather strange and illogical form. For example, he talks about an example when a mother gave her son a new car. And he, having gone to the races on it, crashed. In the book "Maternal Love", Nekrasov blames the mother who bought the car for the death of an adult young man. And this is how they thinkreaders, points to the infantilism of Anatoly. After all, an adult young man himself decided to go to the races and accelerate there to a dangerous speed, and he is to blame for his death.

Also, the author's infantilism is manifested in the fact that he blames the woman, believing that no one owes anything to anyone, but the woman owes. And bear a child in yourself, and then love an outsider more, and build a couple. The author writes about this, presenting men as weak and forgetting why men, primary, exist on Earth.

At the same moment, as noted in the reviews of "Mother's Love", if we discard all these negative phenomena, the main idea of the author can be traced, which is simply expressed in a rather perverted form through the prism of Anatoly's personal complexes. And it lies in the fact that with a he althy egoism of a mother who takes care of her life, lives with her hobbies, in addition to the child, the latter will be the happiest. And most positively, the formation of children is influenced by a he althy atmosphere in the family, harmonious relations between husband and wife. This is about genuine mutual support, not about making it look like it is. The child will always feel false.

In the reviews of Nekrasov's "Maternal Love" it is noted that all these thoughts have already been expressed before him, but in a form that did not offend anyone.

Aggressive attacks on moms run like a red thread through the whole work. In reviews of Nekrasov's "Maternal Love", everyone notes the failure of the examples he cited. He describes accidents in terms of what theymother is to blame. Although much better examples could have been cited.

Also in reviews of Nekrasov's Mother's Love, readers write that the work was written by a man who talks about things that he has never experienced and will not survive, who is arranged completely differently than women, and gives them advice on how to deal with it. about which he has no idea. He writes in a masculine style. And that's why it's hard for women to read a book. She makes them defensive, and there is no time to accept the idea.

Citing quotes from Nekrasov's Mother's Love, many note that the author builds virtually all examples on a description of the relationship between mother and son. And many note that this also shows Anatoly's special complex associated with his personal problems with motherly love, which he began to project with anger onto women instead of solving them.

Psychological birth

Psychological birth is described in the second part of the work. The writer describes in it the idea that many people, even being elderly, continue to be in the “womb” of their mother. As the author believes, the world in this case corrects the situation by "removing" the mother - that is, she dies. But her death is not always able to free the child. He begins to literally pray for the parent. The author also writes that, in an effort to maintain power over the child, the mother is able to hide behind the disease. She can keep her children close to her, preventing them from living their lives.

How to allocate resources

The next chapter of Nekrasov's "Mother's Love" is briefly described in the form of data onhow to allocate resources. The author describes possible approaches to the hierarchy of values. In the first positions for him are personal interests, creative growth, relationships in a couple. Only then, on the next step, are children, parents, work, friends. And if disharmony is observed here, this can lead to problems.

In "Mother's Love" Anatoly Nekrasov talks about the fact that it is common for a modern person to constantly chase after making money, forgetting about other aspects of life.

So he begins to indulge in slave labor instead of revealing his own talent, which is in every person. Meanwhile, you can earn money by revealing your talent.

Relations between children and parents

Anatoly Nekrasov devotes the fourth and fifth parts of "Mother's Love" to childhood and attitude towards parents. He considers resentment against ancestors unacceptable. He notes that it is necessary to improve relations with them, noting that it is important to communicate with the father, the lack of male energy leads to failures in the personal life of an adult.

Maturity

The last chapter of this work contains the author's ideas about the maturity of the individual. He points out that by the time of retirement, a harmonious personality will come not to an age crisis, but to the adoption of the role of an elder in the family.

Wisdom will benefit posterity. So, Nekrasov believes that the role of grandparents in the upbringing of grandchildren is key, since this is an occupation for mature individuals. And maturitydoes not occur before the age of forty. The reviews include the opinion that internal maturity has little to do with age.

In addition, the author discusses how important it is to maintain physical he alth. He assigns a large role to sexual life, the atmosphere of love, building values in life.

Public reaction

The work provoked a very strong reaction from society. The majority of readers - about 80% - are female. There are both positive and negative reviews. It is noted that the work is not scientific. There is esotericism in it, and therefore those who initially share the views of the author have a better attitude towards the work.

Many people note the categoricalness of Nekrasov's judgments on many issues. Critics reacted to the book very angrily and with contempt. It is widely believed that the author took the entire reasonable idea from traditional psychology - the subject of his research is called hyper-care, and then diluted it with his strange reasoning about non-specific matters.

It is noted that the most severe reviews came from female representatives. This is not surprising, since throughout the book the author proclaims responsible for both children and her husband, and indeed for the fate of the entire world of women. While men are presented in the book exclusively as victims, this is the case with both sons and husbands.

Because of this disproportion, the author presents himself as an infantile personality, far from the harmony that he himself preaches. It must be taken into account thatthere were no reviews that would dispute that excessive love is a negative phenomenon. And the author argues that the problem of overprotection is not understood in society.

Summary

At the moment there is a lot of talk about how children suffer when deprived of motherly love. But the other side of the issue is not covered - the suffering of children suffering from excessive feelings of the mother. Meanwhile, almost every family is faced with such a phenomenon.

The presence of excessive feelings in the mother is determined by the complexity of the fate of the children, the lack of realization of the husband, wife, their diseases and alcoholism, the presence of problems in the relationship of spouses.

We are talking about situations where feelings for children become stronger than feelings for yourself and your spouse. When the child becomes paramount in the mother's hierarchy of values, and the father and she herself are in the background.

The reasons for this phenomenon lie in the instinct, which was created by nature specifically for the survival of the species. It sometimes overrides even the sense of self-preservation. The mother is capable of much for the sake of the child, she is even capable of going to certain death, saving the cub, and this happens with most living beings. And this is no accident.

Also, the mother may feel possessive. Sometimes there are female feelings for her son. Such a case often occurs when there is no other male representative in the family, when there is not enough love between the spouses or they have a difficult relationship. In this case, the woman simply projects all the love she has onto her son. Unspentenergy in relation to the daughter results in jealousy.

Another reason is pity. And often it is she who replaces the feeling of love. As a rule, pity arises in relation to the sick, the weak. But it keeps them in this state, contributing to further destruction, humiliation. The more a person is pitied, the worse he/she is.

Here the author of "Mother's Love" Nekrasov gives an example. He describes an ordinary family of 3 people - father, mother and son. They have an average income, family relations are not bad, there are no quarrels. The son is quite obedient, studies well, does not smoke, is not fond of drugs. His parents are pleased with him, encourage him, and he does not need anything. They decided not to have any more children, but to provide everyone with one. They picked him up and paid for the university, and then bought a car. The son wanted to live with the girl, and the mother said that he would do it when he got married. So the love for the son was stronger than the love for the husband. Relations do not noticeably worsen, but in fact, these normal relationships are fraught with great danger.

The next example given by the author is the birth of a second son who turned out to be ill. Then the mother pays all attention to him, the eldest child and husband remain in the background. And as the sick child received attention, he only got more problems. He fell from the 3rd floor, he was rescued, and his mother gave him her blood during a transfusion. The husband, who was left without attention, began to get sick. Soon the youngest son becomes addicted to drugs and dies. The author emphasizes that when a child is sick, parents should discloselove in your relationship. In the love of parents, recovery will happen much faster. If love in a person is finally revealed, it will be enough for everyone.

In the third example, Nekrasov describes a purposeful woman who solves all issues herself. The main value for her is a child. The father is gentle, he carries out the instructions of his wife. If he objects, he quickly gives in to her. He has not argued for a long time, maintaining a calm atmosphere in the family. But from such a position, he did not become an authority for his son. And the son, looking at him, realized that it was most advantageous to be in such a position. And he began to play by the same rules. He accumulated a lot of energy, and around were the prohibitions of his mother. He became interested in car racing. He competed with the same depressed people who were looking for self-affirmation in amateur racing. Here the son turned into a different personality - aggressive and tough. While driving with his mother, he behaved calmly. He was outwardly decent.

Mother did not notice the duality of her son's condition. Her very values were violated. The son at high speed one day gets into an accident and dies. The author notes at this point that people do not learn from others and their own mistakes. For this reason, children live less than their parents.

Next, Nekrasov notes that a mother's love has a blood, long-term connection with a child. And she is strong. And often, under the pressure of maternal love, relationships in a young couple go out. The author believes that marriages break up for this reason.

He encourages women to give their children more independence, to take care of themselves, not others. Needed firstput your own happiness, then there will be a change in children. The older they are, the more “motherly” the maternal feeling becomes. Ownership is getting stronger, aggression appears. And the child, sensing this, tries to keep his distance. This results in conflict. Then the mother starts to get sick in order to bind the children. And then she often begins to exclaim: "I devoted everything to my children." But in fact, behind this is: “I failed to reveal myself and my love, and therefore did not create a happy life. I chose not the wisest, but the easier way - to give my love to children by creating problems for them.”

It is not uncommon for a mother to focus on her children in order to escape from the lack of meaning in her own life. She builds relationships with them as slaves or as lovers. She seeks to fulfill their whims. In this case, she suppresses the initiative of her own children, developing helplessness in them. Since she tries to do everything for the children, they become capricious appendages of her. And she likes this position. The father becomes superfluous in family relationships. He is trying to get into a fight with the kids instead of loving and helping his woman.

This position and behavior of the father is manifested later in the child. The male energy in him will be humiliated, he will begin to attract such events. Male representatives will begin to appear near the girl, who will humiliate her. The man will have a wife who will keep him “under the heel”. The man who was "pushed" intofamily, experiencing difficulties in self-realization in society. He does not fly, revealing his own talents, but crawls. A woman is increasingly taking on a leading role, and it is increasingly difficult for him to realize himself. Sometimes it happens that the wife fully reveals her own maternal feelings, and the husband turns into another “child”, and she becomes a “mom” for him. This also creates a lot of problems. A woman herself would reveal herself much better and would be happier if a man was next to her, and not another "son".