Funny jokes about Kazakhs

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

Jokes about representatives of various nationalities are incredibly popular in our country. Russians appreciate the humor of other peoples, for example, Jewish, Caucasian, and so on. This article contains the funniest jokes about Kazakhs. So, we are going to the endless sunny steppe to join the culture of this people.

To feel the beauty of the Kazakh language, to feel the extraordinary romance of free life among endless pastures, to smell and taste koumiss, to appreciate the beauty and grace of horses, to admire the rich decoration of yurts, you need to pronounce the name of the country of the Netherlands, emphasizing the last letter.

Dream Factory

One young Kazakh couple was very fond of the famous film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. They even named the child Ailbibek.

Buy in a Mercedes

There are a lot of jokes about Kazakhs and Russians. One of them will be presented to your attention. However, it refers to unusual representatives of these nationalities.

The new Kazakh decided to make friends with the new Russians. Approaches them and says: "AssalamAleikum! Let's go to the Maldives together!" And they answer him: "Do you have at least a five-story cottage?"

Kazakh answers: "No". New Russians ask: "Do you have a gold chain as thick as a finger?" The Kazakh shakes his head. New Russians again ask the question: "Do you have a Mercedes car?" Again, the Kazakh gives a negative answer. New Russians say: "Well, when you get all this, then come!" The new Kazakh takes out a golden iPhone and calls his wife: "Honey, call the workers and order them to demolish the last two floors of our house! Sell several Lincolns and Rolls-Royces and buy a Mercedes." The new Russians looked at each other, and the Kazakh continues: "Take off the gold chain from our Bobik and send me a package."

Jokes about Kazakhs exist not only in Russian. Representatives of this nationality themselves like to tell them. They are known to call their language Kazakhsha. Jokes about Kazakhs in Russian are often translations.

Songs of the steppe

Kazakh akyns compose songs about everything they see in front of them. Going to the bathhouse with them is highly discouraged.

In Kazakhstan, all road signs have only a triangular shape. This is because a round piece of tin can easily be used to make a lid for a frying pan, and a rectangular metal sheet can serve as a wonderful shovel forremoving snow by attaching a wooden handle to it.

Kazakh is a Kazakh in Africa as well

Jokes about Kazakhs is an excellent tool for studying the national mentality, traditions, customs and everyday life of this people.

During the Great Patriotic War, the Germans captured a Russian, Ukrainian and Kazakh. The officer orders: "Interrogate and shoot the Ukrainian and Russian, and immediately shoot the Kazakh." The Kazakh is at a loss: "Why, these two should be interrogated, and then they should be shot, and I should be killed right away?" The officer explains: "And if you start talking to you, you may turn out to be someone's relative."

If all Kazakhs leave Russia, there will be no one to work as Japanese chefs in sushi bars.

Jokes vulgar and not so

The Kazakh ice hockey team has repeatedly asked the International Olympic Committee to allow them to participate in matches while sitting on horseback.

There are many vulgar jokes about Kazakhs. Although this article is not devoted to just such samples, one of them is worth mentioning for a change.

An American, a Frenchman, an Italian, an Italian and a Kazakh got to a desert island. We lived there for two weeks. After that, the men gathered for advice and decide which of them will look after the Italian. The American says: "Actually, we are Americans - the most important nation on earth! Therefore, I have to take care of this woman!" The Frenchman says: "And we, the French, are a much more ancient nationality! Therefore, I must be the boyfriend of thiswomen!"

The Italian, gesticulating strongly, exclaims: "And I, by the way, is Italian! We are of the same nationality! Therefore, God himself has decreed that, of course, I should take care of her!" And the Kazakh sits quietly near the sea and catches fish. He does not participate in the disputes of other men. They ask him: "Why don't you pretend to court an Italian?" He calmly turns around and says: "So I've been sleeping with her for two weeks and did not know that I needed to take care of her!"

As you can see, there are a lot of funny jokes about Kazakhs. Therefore, here are some more examples of such humor.

Unsuitable bride

Mother says to the Kazakh: "Kanat, you are almost thirty years old, and you are still not married! Why don't you choose a bride for yourself? For example, Aigul is a very beautiful girl, smart, kind, well-mannered! Or our Neighbor Ismigul is also very positive. She graduated from the Pedagogical University. She works as an English teacher. Don't you like them?" Kanat replies: "No, mom. I love Sergei." Mother alarmed: "What are you? He's Russian!"

Cunning guard

In Kazakhstan, a bank robbery. The offender, as usual, laid all the workers on the floor and said: "The girl at the window, what is your name?" The bank employee answers him: "My name is Aigul." The robber says: "Aigul, that was my mother's name! That's why youYou can leave." The robber turns to the guard and asks: "What's your name?" He replies: "According to my passport, I'm Ivan. But all my friends usually call me Aigul".

Duel

There are also historical jokes about Kazakhs. Here is one of them. The Russian bogatyr Ilya Muromets and the Kazakh batyr Kairat meet on the battlefield. The Kazakh hit Ilya Muromets with a club on the head for the first time and drove him into the ground to the very waist. I hit him a second time and Ilya entered the ground up to the hero’s chest. And they were equal in height.

Compatriots

A Kazakh from Zhezkazgan arrives in Moscow. I went to the toilet at the station and sees that the letter "M" is written on one door, and the letter "F" is written on the other. He thinks: ""Zh" means Zhezkazgan. I'll go through this door." He comes in and there is a woman. She jumped in surprise and jumped to her feet. The Kazakh says: "Don't be afraid! I won't do anything to you. I'm also from Zhezkazgan".

About mambets and others

Since this article presents jokes about Kazakhs in Russian, some explanations are required for those who are not aware of some of the features of the life of this country. For example, Kazakhstan also has its gopniks. They are called mambets there. So, there are many jokes about this stratum of the population.

Two mambets are walking around Astana. They are strangers in this celebration of life. Nobody wants to hang out with them. Suddenly a sorcerer appears and says: "If you reach the top of that mountain over there, then you will become no worse thanthan the inhabitants of the capital of the state". The Kazakhs climbed the mountain. One of them climbed to the top, the other stretches out his hands to him for help. The one who stands at the top shouts at him: "Get off me, filthy mambet!"

A resident of Alma-Ata got the right to hunt mambets. He walks through the center of the city, shot at the gopnik, and nothing terrible happened. The police took it well. Goes to another area, finished off the mambet. Law enforcement agencies are silent. Went to the outskirts of the city. He also killed one there. Police officers jumped out from behind the bushes and immediately twisted him. He told them: "What are you, guys? I have a license!" They tell him: "Here it does not work! This is a nature reserve!"

And here is one of the freshest jokes about Kazakhs. A Chinese and a Kazakh meet. A citizen of the Celestial Empire asks: "And how many people do you have in Kazakhstan?" A resident of the steppe answers: "There are seven million people of Kazakh nationality, the total population is fourteen million." The Chinese man is surprised: "Oh! So you, like in the village, know each other by sight?"

A couple more jokes about Kazakhs

Caught on a desert island Russian, Ukrainian and Kazakh. The Russian has built a house for himself, planted a garden, and keeps pets. The Ukrainian also got a good job: he built a hut, got a vegetable garden, began to drive vodka. Nothing was heard about the Kazakh for a long time. Once a Russian came to visit a Ukrainian. Well, sit and drink. Here, a knock on the door. On the threshold stands a Kazakhin a police uniform and says: "Senior Lieutenant Zhumabaev. Please show your documents!"

One Kazakh sage was famous throughout the country for his learning. He originally read the works of many ancient Greek authors: Socrates, Aristotle, Prometheus…

A traffic cop in Alma-Ata stops a man, and he says to him: "What are you doing? Your boss knows me! Let's go, you'll see for yourself!" They go to the main department of the traffic police, to the chief's office. And he says: "Ah, Alibek! Come in, let's drink tea!" The traffic cop asks: "Do you know everyone in Alma-Ata ?!" The man says: "And not only in Alma-Ata! Come with me to Astana! I'll introduce you to Nazarbayev!" They come to the capital. Nazarbayev receives them, arranges a gala dinner for Alibek and his guest. The traffic cop asks his new acquaintance, Alibek: "You probably know someone not only in Kazakhstan, but also abroad ?!" And he answers him: "Well, of course! Let's go to the United States of America! I'll introduce you to Donald Trump there." They come to Washington, come to the White House. Alibek says: “They won’t let you go any further. Let’s do this: I’ll go in, and you stand on the street and look at that balcony. We will go out with Trump on it. Donald will wave to you.”

After a while, Alibek and Trump go out onto the balcony. The President, as agreed, waved his hand to the traffic cop. A few minutes later, Alibek appears from the doors of the White House and sees that his friend is lying unconscious. He pushed him aside and asked: "What's wrong with you?" traffic copanswer: “Well, I’m standing, I’m looking, you are going out onto the balcony … And suddenly some black man comes up to me and asks: “Do you know who is standing with Alibek?”

Dobrynya Nikitich is driving across the steppe. I met Alyosha Popovich and said to him: "Look, Alyoshenka, what ferocious wolves I have caught!" Unties his bag and shows. Alyosha says: "Dobrynya, these are not wolves, but Kazakhs!" Nikitich replies: "What kind of Kazakhs, when they ate a whole horse in a couple of minutes?"