2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25
Laughter is the most positive emotion that can be, and the best way to spend time in the company. Many people like Petrosyan's jokes. You can just read funny sketches or retell them to your friends. This humor will be appropriate in any company. Here are the best miniatures of the artist from his long career.
Most interesting jokes
Here are Petrosyan's jokes that absolutely everyone likes.
A case near the maternity hospital. The silhouette of a man is visible in the darkness. A man nervously smokes.
- Well, eprst, when it's already there, it would be faster…
- Petushkova, give birth! shouts the midwife from the corridor.
- Finally! I'm on my way!
The figure throws the cigarette away and walks away.
I recently went on a business trip, I was going for a long time and all the time I instructed my wife: do not change, do not take lovers - I will find out! I didn’t even have time to get on the plane, SMS comes from an unknown number: “Dear client, congratulations, your marital debt has been fully repaid! Sincerely, the company "Aerodom". Here is the service.
I stood like-then at the maternity hospital, a relative was discharged, and I saw this picture:
- Lena, who are we?
- Vanyushka, we have a boy!
- Nastya, who?
- Katyusha! We have Katyusha!
- Karina!… Karina! Oh Karin, how do you turn on the washing machine?
- The cord must be inserted into the tee, and then press the big button…
- Thank you! - runs away faster.
- But I gave birth!
- Well done!- ran away.
Small jokes
Petrosyan's short jokes will be appropriate during breaks in a big company:
- To prolong life by five years, you need to constantly play sports. Approximately 8 years…
- Granny was shocked and was at a dead end when Lenya arrived already chubby.
- The main mystery of nature: how do pigeons manage to stain a dark car with white and a light car with black?
Petrosyan's funniest jokes
For the third lesson, the student cursed through the word. The teacher got fed up and decided to ask:
- Petya, do you know what that means?
- Naturally! This means that dad is having problems with the car.
Recently I was in the theater, there was such an announcement: “Please do not leave valuables and money in your pockets. Understand that a cloakroom attendant has a very small salary!”.
April jokes
This month is the most fun, and all thanks to April Fool's Day. Petrosyan's jokes are more appropriate than ever.
Evgeny Vaganovich has repeatedly told how you can play a trick on your colleaguesand family:
- Big-eyed prank. Imagine that you wake up in the morning and go to the kitchen, sleepy. You open the refrigerator to get muesli and milk, and then dozens of eyes are looking at you! You will wake up immediately, okay? And it's very easy to do so. It is enough to buy eyes on a sticky basis in the art store and stick them on everything that you can find in the refrigerator. Revived tomatoes and eggs will cheer up anyone on April day.
- Joke for colleagues. Everyone knows a pillow that makes obscene and funny sounds. But if the office staff is used to your pranks and always look around before they sit down? You can purchase a small horn and attach it under an office chair. And when the next victim sits on it, there will be a rumble that will first scare and then amuse everyone.
Evgeny likes to joke on absolutely different topics. His remarks can cheer up even on the saddest and most rainy day. Petrosyan's best jokes on various topics:
- Have you noticed that the higher the position a person occupies, the less often he appears at work?
- If an office worker sits idle for 10 minutes, he will automatically go to sleep.
- Nothing can be more invigorating than a good strong brewed coffee in the morning, of course, after you have drunk a glass of five-star cognac.
- You know what I thought. Candlelight dinner is not easy romance, it is also an excellent remedy for hemorrhoids.
Another funny story from Petrosyan. Came to me like-then the nephew with huge eyes and says:
- I moved from my parents to my apartment, some bills came, well, I paid them, I look again in a month, and then again and again … I probably shouldn't, right?
- What's wrong?
- Paid for the first time. Housing and communal services thought I was a sucker, and they are cheating me out of money?
Funny jokes from the Crooked Mirror program
"Crooked Mirror" is a humorous program, which, probably, every inhabitant of Russia has seen. Initially, it was broadcast on Channel One. And after and to this day the troupe performs on the channel "Russia". Performances with Yevgeny Petrosyan's jokes and under his direction are very diverse, there are musicals, theatrical miniatures, and even parodies. Here are some of them.
So love stupid questions. Recently I was walking down the street and heard a brilliant answer to one of them:
- Did you fall?
- No, my ankle itched sharply, so I decided to scratch it on the asph alt.
In the evening, the whole family sat in front of the TV and solved a crossword puzzle, and there was this question: “Foul language from three letters.” Well, of course, I immediately understood what it was, but still decided to check it in the answers. That's right: checkmate, not what you thought!
Recently I decided to play bowling with friends, I call to reserve:
- Hello, can I order a track from you for today?
- Yes, of course, how many grams do you want?
The bride, after she and the groom applied,says:
- Dear, when we get married, we will definitely solve all problems together?
- But darling, we don't have a problem?!
- I told you, after the wedding!
Riddles with a joke
This is one of Evgeny's favorite tricks, which he constantly uses to keep the attention of the audience. Petrosyan's jokes can also be an excellent accompaniment for any holiday. If you are celebrating a birthday with your family, then you can replace the toastmaster and hosts yourself. One has only to learn Petrosyan's funny jokes, because he is really a great comedian.
- An evil nephew from school recently came. My sister ran around him for a long time, questioned him, he didn’t tell anything at all, and then he said: “That’s what one half of an orange looks like?”. We thought for half an evening, ran with answers to him, but everything was not right. Do you know what? For the other half!
- What is the most popular after-holiday gift for your husband? Horns.
- Do you know what is common between a lizard and a not very diligent student? They both have tails.
- What happened to the water, the fire, and even the copper pipes? Moonshine, of course.
- I read the riddle in a children's magazine, it's good that the answers are written there right away. What kind of woman constantly rubs against you, and after that constantly demands money? Bus conductor during rush hour.
Top best jokes by Evgeny Petrosyan
The artist is constantly writing scripts for his humorous performances, a great many of them have accumulated. Butevery performance of Evgeny is chic, there are Petrosyan's top jokes, which are presented below.
Very often a comedian likes to joke about women, here is one of the most popular sketches. Want to know how the female brain works? Then open 100 tabs at the same time on your computer!
And here is the top joke about athletes, which Evgeny loves very much:
- Competition next week, no idea how to increase body weight faster?
- Grab more pancakes for the barbell.
- No, you don't understand, very fast!
- Then eat them!
Here's a joke about men:
- Daddy, would you like a cold beer?
- Of course I do, son, do you have any?
- No, I'm just kidding
The best jokes according to Petrosyan himself
Close your eyes and imagine yourself running early in the morning on soft grass, your feet touching the morning dew, and your lungs filling with fresh air. So tell me, what could be better than not running?
Jokes about beach holidays are also popular in Yevgeny Petrosyan's arsenal, here is one of the most famous:
- Man, hello, I'm resting here, and will you allow me to meet you? Just do not think anything bad, it's literally for one night! Well, a maximum of two!
- Madam, who do you take me for! I'm a real man - for the whole vacation!
My father-in-law works as a doctor and tells such a case,which happened very recently. Grandpa comes to me, well, he is 90 years old, barely touches his feet, with a cane:
- What are you complaining about?
- You see, doctor, when I have sex, my ears buzz at the end. What is this?
- And this is applauding you.
The wife runs to her husband, who is sitting at the computer, and shouts:
- Dear! I just got raped! Imagine walking through the park, and here it is!
- Eat a lemon!
- But why?
- Yes, so that the smile from your face is erased.
And this is not a complete list of the best jokes of Evgeny Vaganovich.
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