Jokes about medicine and doctors. The funniest jokes
Jokes about medicine and doctors. The funniest jokes

Video: Jokes about medicine and doctors. The funniest jokes

Video: Jokes about medicine and doctors. The funniest jokes
Video: Best Doctor Jokes | Stand-Up Compilation 2023, October

It is generally accepted that the most "cool" profession we have is taxi drivers. It is about them and their professional activities that a huge number of anecdotes, jokes and aphorisms are composed. But doctors confidently breathe into their backs. They, one might say, are in second place in popularity in the ranking of the most-most, and therefore we decided to devote this material entirely to jokes about medicine and everything connected with it.

Medicine. Is humor appropriate in this area?

doctor with syringe
doctor with syringe

Despite the fact that a lot of "medical" humor is black, you can't live without it anywhere. And in medicine as well. The funniest jokes about hospitals, doctors and their patients are from the field of black humor, but they by no means leave an unpleasant aftertaste. The most common "black" joke is undoubtedly the joke about pathologists, namely: "The autopsy showed that the patient died from the autopsy." But this set of funny sayings is not limited. And we will begin our review of the funniestjokes from the field of medicine with jokes, the most common among the doctors themselves.

Jokes and anecdotes among the medical staff

Of course, we will not fit all the anecdotes and aphorisms of doctors into one small article, but we will try to give out a selection of the most "experienced" ones. So, how do our doctors joke?

bird rook
bird rook

The voice of the flight attendant on board the liner, referring to the passengers: "Among you there is a doctor?" To which some lonely languid voice answers her: “Look in the wrong place. In economy class, ask…”.

When undergoing fluorography, the doctor asks: “Where is your policy?” The girl replies: "I forgot at home." “Well then, honey, the pictures will be black and white…”

Laughter will be much more contagious if you make a tuberculosis sufferer laugh properly…

The place of the enema cannot be changed…

Funny from X-chromosomes
Funny from X-chromosomes

Advice from an experienced pulmonologist to a smoker who came for an examination: "You should learn how to smoke with your anus, my friend." The smoker indignantly: “Why is that?” “Yes, because colon cancer is now curable, but lung cancer, alas, not always…”

Sometimes medical jokes are even more disturbing. For example, with a set of the following statements, and in particular with the last one, each of them agrees. After graduating from medical school, anyone agrees that they are now:

  1. Knows why to wash hands and always washes them.
  2. Knows that he will surely die someday and that he must come to terms with this.
  3. Knows where babies come from.
  4. I'm sure that from now on nothing can spoil his appetite.
  5. He's scared to death of any doctors, and especially those who studied with him on the same course.

Jokes about the doctors themselves

Let's start the review of jokes about doctors who walk in a wide human environment. They are not always flattering, but doctors are unlikely to be offended by this. Rather, they will gladly laugh at them along with everyone.

Lab Assistant Dracula
Lab Assistant Dracula

Sister suddenly starts screaming heart-rendingly: “Doctor, oh horror! We lost him…” To which the doctor calmly pats her soothingly on the shoulder: “You shouldn’t be so upset about this. Look around, we have a whole ward of them!”

After work, a pathologist and a gynecologist come out from the depths of their offices into the street and, stopping at the threshold of the clinic, breathe in fresh air and look around. The pathologist says: “How wonderful here! Everywhere people! Living people! To which the gynecologist adds: “And faces! Faces!”

It turns out that traumatologists also have an off-season. This is a quiet time in which the motorcyclists have already ended, but the snowboarders have not yet begun. And vice versa.

A man falls to the ground in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of the day. A woman leans over him and starts calling for a doctor. “I’m a doctor,” one of the passers-by answers, “what happened to you?” "He's having a heart attack, I think!" the woman answers. “Well then, I’m waiting for him in my office,” the doctor says calmly and is about to leave. The woman indignantly told him: “How is it in your office? He's about to die!" For whatthe doctor throws over his shoulder: “Well, yes. And I am a pathologist…”

Sayings about free he althcare

Stavrida Karpovna
Stavrida Karpovna

Jokes about free he althcare in general deserve a separate section. Yes, medicine is free in our country. But as the well-known aphorism says, it is free only until you get sick. This is where the "free" ends. Hence the set of following statements.

We have free medicine, but not treatment.

Well, do you want to be treated for free or do you still want to live?

Anesthesia was general, and the surgeon was local… Free…

Poor patients…

The set of jokes about medicine is not limited to doctors alone. Patients deserve attention too. Here you go, in order.

A polyclinic is nothing more than an accelerated exchange of experiences between patients.

Synulya comes up to his mother and asks: “Mom, mom, what is this “sclerosis”?” The mother turns, looks at him and says: “What-what did you ask me now?” Seungul: “When?”

"You've been smoking too much!"

"So what?"

“Yes, smoking kills. It says on the pack, read it!”

So what? What, the ancient Egyptians didn't smoke? Everyone died out anyway!..”

If a woman tries on glasses, it means that she has already grown up to the point where curiosity began to overpower vanity.

The patient got better… but never got there.

The patient was in dire need of caredoctor. Moreover, the further he went, the better the patient would feel…

Fear of injections
Fear of injections

I wish everyone behaved so politely everywhere, like in line at the dental office…

Ambulance call at three in the morning: “Hello, is this an ambulance?! Hurry up, our boy swallowed a corkscrew!” Ten minutes later, another call: “Hello, ambulance? Cancel the call. We found a spare corkscrew, all is well!”

The nurse saw a man flying out of the doctor's waiting room with a bullet, frantically trying to open the door to the corridor in the opposite direction. "Dear, what happened?" she asked. The patient shouted out: “They said: don’t worry, the operation for appendicitis is the easiest and there is nothing to be afraid of!” Nurse at a loss: "But it's true!" A patient with eyes wide with fear: “It’s true, they just explained it not to me, but to a young surgeon-intern!..”

About medications and weight loss

The hard work of Dr. House
The hard work of Dr. House

Jokes about medications and attempts to lose weight are akin to jokes about medicine, and therefore they cannot be ignored either. And here are a few of them.

“This is just an amazing remedy for baldness! With it, even billiard balls will grow hair!”

"And then how do you think billiards play?"

"Girl, do you have a cure for greed?"

No. Except these pills…”

"Yes, more, more!.."

My wife decided to start losing weight and therefore became interested in equestrianwalks…”

"So how are the results?"

"The horse lost 10 kilos…"


An excellent joke about doctors, or rather, a scene at the reception of various doctors - Vinokur once gave out. Let's watch this funny video.


And what is characteristic, sometimes cases exaggerated by Vinokur really take place in our lives. But any of us, potential patients, secretly hopes that jokes about medicine will remain jokes, and in life we will not become their heroes, because, of course, medical institutes, no matter what the doctors themselves say, do not graduate bad specialists. And therefore, these jokes can be thoroughly laughed at by everyone together.