Jokes about Chechens. The funniest jokes

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

This article is about jokes about Chechens. For all their external severity, representatives of this nationality also like to joke and laugh. They often tell jokes about Chechens themselves.

Very rare

So, it's time to dive into the world of North Caucasian humor.

One wise old Chechen was asked how a yeti differs from a Chechen homosexual. The sage replied: “Yeti is much easier to find.

Highly qualified specialist

Once a Moscow taxi driver had to carry a Chechen who worked as a speech therapist. The passenger decided not to waste time and by the end of the planned route corrected the driver's speech defect. Now, instead of saying: “3,000 rubles to Domodedovo, he says: “You only have 200 rubles.”

Joke about a Chechen in the military enlistment office

A representative of this Caucasian nationality was drafted into the army. Hecomes to the recruiting office and asks the commissar: “Will I bring my own machine gun or will they give me one?”. To this, the military replies: “You can even come in an armored personnel carrier.” The guy replied: “Unfortunately, it will not work. Grandfather Hassan is plowing a garden on it now.”

The show must go on…

And here is another old Chechen joke.

One indigenous resident of the Caucasian republic, which is discussed in this article, tells another: “Yesterday I was at a circus performance with my family. The famous crocodile trainer performed. A friend asks him: “It must have been very scary?”

And he answers him: “Yes, indeed, at first the crocodiles were a little afraid. They didn't even want to enter the arena. But, then nothing… We settled in.”

Fatal oversight

The first Chechen war is underway. The terrorists gathered for a council. The ringleader says: “First of all, I want to honor the memory of our brother-in-arms Mohammed, who died yesterday planting a bomb in one of the enemy’s buildings.” The stunned militants ask: “How so? Why did he die? Explosives were very expensive! And the timer is high quality, made in Japan.” The leader replies: “Yes, you are right. But Mohammed forgot to change his clock to daylight saving time.”

Again about the circus

If you still haven't heard the joke about the Chechen sniper in the circus, then be sure to read it.

In Grozny, a man comes to the circus with a rifle, on which an optical sight is screwed. At the arena, the entertainer announces: “You have never seen anything like this!Acrobat flight under the circus dome!”.

The Chechen, taking aim, says: “I have already seen how acrobats fly, now I want to see how they fall. This is a real death number.”

Wish Fulfillment

Next, we offer you two jokes about Chechens and goldfish.

Here is the first one.

The Chechen fished all day but didn't catch anything. I was about to go home, when I suddenly saw that he was biting. The Chechen pulls out a fishing line, and a goldfish is on the hook. She began to ask the highlander to let her go back to the river. She promised to fulfill his every wish. The Chechen knew Russian poorly and did not understand what she was offering him. Then the fish began to explain: “For example, the other day I got hooked by a fisherman from Dagestan. So he asked me for a billion euros. What do you want?"

The Chechen says: “Tell me the name, surname and patronymic, as well as the address of that Dagestani.”

And here is the second funny anecdote about a Chechen and a fish.

Another resident of Grozny got such a fabulous catch. The delighted Chechen exclaims: “Well, finally! You need to cook it in sour cream! Rybka traditionally says: “I will do whatever you want. Just let me go. The Chechen replies: “I told you that I want to fry you in sour cream. And no one can do it better than me!”

Accurate data

There are also many jokes about Chechens and Russians. Here is one of them. The first Chechen war is underway. At headquarters, the commander dictates a telegram: “Yesterday atDuring the successful operation, 500 militants were destroyed. Then he thought a little and said: “Although no! Write that a thousand militants have been destroyed. How much can you feel sorry for them?”

International communication

Next, several jokes about Chechens, Armenians, Russians and some representatives of other nationalities will be presented to your court. Here is the first one.

Somehow an Armenian and a Chechen argued about which of them could teach a wolf to speak his own language. The Armenian took out the books, laid them out in front of the animal, explained grammar rules to the animal for a long time. He spent several days doing this. But all his attempts were in vain.

It's the Chechen's turn. He approached the animal and asked him: "Do you want to eat?" To which the wolf howled sadly: “Woo!!!”. And this, as you know, means “yes” in the Chechen language.

Joke about a Chechen on a train

A representative of this mountainous nationality rides in the same compartment with a Russian and a Chinese.

The Chechen took out cheese made from goat's milk, made himself a sandwich, offered it to his companions, they also happily enjoyed the product. But still, the highlander still had a rather large piece. The Chechen opened the window and threw out the cheese. The Russian and the Chinese looked at him in surprise. And the Chechen proudly said: “We have a lot of this stuff.”

After that, it's time for the Chinese to show off their country's we alth. He took out a smartphone of the latest model, talked on it for 5 minutes with his relatives and threw it out the window.

Comrades asked him why he did suchdeed. The Chinese waved his hand and said: "I have such goods in bulk in my homeland." And the Russian took the Chechen by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the window.

Parental custody

An elderly Chechen asks another: “Are you not afraid for your son, who lives alone in Moscow, although he is still very young?”

And he answers him: “Not at all. The police are constantly following him.”

As you can see, there are many funny and not so funny jokes about Chechens. And if you still doubt it, then here are a few more samples of folk art dedicated to people of this nationality.

Real horseman

Two residents of the Russian capital meet. One asks the other: “I heard that your wife is Jewish, is that true?” The comrade answers him: “Yes, we have a fictitious marriage. I did marry a Jewish woman. I need this in order to leave for Israel. And they told me that your wife is a Chechen.”

A friend says to him: “And it's true. I married her because I want to stay and live in Moscow.”

Mistake out

An old Chechen scolds his son: “It was necessary to learn Russian at school better! Now you would have avoided a lot of problems if you had listened to me then." The son looks at him questioningly. The old man continues: "For example, last week I asked you to call a taxi. What did you do? You took the bus instead!"

And here is an old Chechen joke, which, according to rumors, is at least 100 years old.

One horseman comes to the mullah and asksquestion: “Tell me, if I destroy a whole cart of tobacco, will this be considered a good deed in the eyes of Allah?” The representative of the clergy answers: “Of course, the Almighty will send you his mercy for this!” Six months later, the Chechen says to the mullah: “I smoked a whole cartload of tobacco and even more, but for some reason Allah does not show mercy to me.”

Here is another old joke on the same subject.

A Chechen asks the mullah: "Tell me, is smoking a sin or not?". The witty old man answered this question in the following way: “If Allah wanted people to smoke, He would have created them with chimneys on their heads.”

Car enthusiast

And here is another Chechen joke about communication between people of different nationalities.

A Ukrainian, a Russian and a Chechen are traveling in the same compartment. They talked and began to get to know each other. The Russian introduces himself: “My name is Ivan. Moskvich. The Ukrainian says: “And I'm Mykola. Zaporozhets.”

And the Chechen said: "My name is Mahmud. Toyota Corolla."

Trust in God, but don't make a mistake yourself

And finally, a joke about Chechens, who, like Russians, love fast driving.

Two Chechens are going from their village to Grozny at a very high speed. One says to the other, who is driving: “Let's go slower, otherwise we will crash!” The driver says: “Allah is with us! Everything will be fine!” On the way back, the reckless driver again developed a breakneck speed. Again, his comrade says to him: “It’s better to slow down, otherwise we’ll crash!”. And again the driver replies: “Don't be afraid! Allah is with us!" And he says: "DoThe Almighty has nothing else to do but ride back and forth with us.”