The funniest jokes about welders

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

There are a lot of jokes about representatives of various professions. For example, there are many humorous stories about doctors, accountants, businessmen. Jokes about welders are not so common. It is believed that comic situations rarely happen to representatives of this profession. However, there are still several dozen jokes about welders and welding. Some of them will be presented in this article.

Every true professional in welding should have the skill to cook eggs not only hard-boiled, but butt-ended.

Joke about fake welder

In Human Resources.

- If a welder has no sense of humor, then he is not real. We are ready to hire only a specialist who has this quality well developed, since our salary is ridiculous.

- I am a very cheerful person andagree to your terms. But I will work so that you laugh!

Joke about welders at height

High- altitude welders decided to celebrate the anniversary of one of their employees right at the workplace. So that the authorities would not suspect anything, they stuffed a work suit with straw and the resulting stuffed animal was raised to a height and tied there. The authorities did not notice anything suspicious all day. They look up: and there the worker performs his duties. Suddenly a strong wind arose, and the scarecrow was blown away from a height.

Welders looking out the window during the feast saw this. One of them ran up to the fallen doll, hid it, and lay down in its place. The boss comes up, and he gets up and says: "Well, no! I won't climb that high today!".

Work savvy

The following anecdote about welders is very popular in the professional environment, as it describes the representatives of this speci alty as quick-witted and witty people.

Chinese students from a vocational school came to one of the factories in Russia for an internship. Our welders taught them how to eat sushi using two electrodes.

A man comes to the doctor and says: “Lately it seems to me that I am gay. The doctor asks: “Are you a musician?” The man shakes his head negatively. ". And again I didn’t guess. The doctor asks: “But, then, you are probably a writer?”. The man says: “Actually, I work as a welder.” Doctorsays: "Well, then you are not gay, but a pederast."

Vovochka with his father are walking down the street. The boy asks his dad: "Oh, what are these uncles doing?" The father replies: "They are boiling the pipe." Vovochka asks: "What, is the pipe delicious?".

Carnival costume

And here is a joke about a welder's mask. They ask the Armenian radio: "What do a welder and Santa Claus have in common?" Answer: "Both of them are always drunk, wearing a mask and with Bengal fire in their hands."

Jam

At 12 o'clock in the night the phone rings in the welder's apartment. The head of the family picks up the phone and hears a voice: "Who do you work for?". The welder named his profession. The caller says: "Ah, welder! Well, then cook me a sausage!".

Welder Ivanov hates jam because of his professional distaste for the name of this delicacy.

The funniest jokes about welders can only be heard from representatives of this profession.

We are not stokers, we are not carpenters

One welder had delusions of grandeur. He stood in the sun on a July afternoon in full working uniform and with a mask on his face and said: "I'm a steelworker! I'm a steelworker!".

It is extremely difficult to find a photo of a welder with an open face. Since they all immediately put on a mask when they see a flash.

Negative point: the student of vocational school Ivanov was severely stung by a welding mask during all 3 years of study. Positive: commissionthe military registration and enlistment office declared him unfit for service because of the flat-faced.

A man comes to a car service center and says: "You weld my bumper here, otherwise I forgot the wire at home. And I'll come home, then I'll wind it up."

Village

Next funny anecdote about welding and people who have never seen it.

Gas is supplied to a remote village. None of the locals have ever seen a welder in reality, and therefore they vaguely imagine the process of his work. All the villagers came to see this miracle. The welder put on a mask and says: "And now I will ask you to turn away!". Only the women turned away.

Welding is a delicate matter

Comrade Sukhov asks Vereshchagin: "Where is Petruha?". And he answers him: "They imprisoned Petrukha for 15 days." Comrade Sukhov asks in bewilderment: "For what?". The former customs officer replies: "For hooliganism. He got drunk and molested the welder:" Gulchitay, open your face!.

Mikhalych!!

A conversation between two old friends. One asks: "Do you have a girlfriend?". The comrade answers him: "Of course, there is!". And what is her name?", - the friend asks. He answers: "Stepan". The friend exclaims in bewilderment: "So which of these are you?" normal".

Certified Professionals

Here are some more jokes about welders that readers will no doubt like. Question to the Armenian radio: "On whatsite, you can download a thesis in the speci alty "welding"?". The announcer's answer: "Such work does not swing, but is cooked! The thesis in the speci alty "Tire fitting" is being downloaded.

At a chemistry lesson, the teacher asks the class: "What can you get if you put two electrodes in a liquid?". Vovochka, who was sitting at the back of the desk, thought: "You can get hit on the ears by a welder."

- Use a protective face mask if you want your skin to retain youth and freshness for as long as possible. You will forget about wrinkles for a long time. Also, the mask will protect you from harmful radiation.

- Ivanych, I know all this very well! Not the first year I have been working as a welder.

Representatives of the profession, which is discussed in this article, consider the aria of Mr. X as their professional anthem, where there are such words: "Always to be in a mask is my destiny."

A Jew comes to a rabbi and says: "I'm interested in this question: is it kosher to look at a naked man?" The rabbi replies: "Of course, Moishe, it's kosher!" The man again asks: "Tell me, is it kosher to look at a naked woman?" The rabbi replies, "Of course it's kosher!" The Jew asks a new question: "Ravi, what is not kosher to look at?" The rabbi replies, "It's not kosher to look at welding."

Two friends talking

- I spent so much money last year! My wife demanded to give her a mink coat on March 8! What does your wife want for International Women's Day?

- I'm over itI don't bother! She still won't open the package I made for her. I'm a welder of the highest rank!

Other jokes

Riding Little Red Riding Hood through the forest on a bike, and towards her the Wolf. He pushed the girl to the ground and broke the bicycle. At this time, hunters were walking along the same path. They made Wolf fix the bike. The next day this incident happened again. And again, good hunters stood up for the girl. Again the gray robber had to repair the bike. Little Red Riding Hood comes to her grandmother and asks her: "Grandma, grandmother! Why do you have such red eyes?" The old woman answers her: "From welding, granddaughter."

Trial welder for murder. The defendant says: “It was like this: I work without lunch all day. I welded a huge number of pipes. And then the Ferrari car stops. All dressed up blonde comes out of it and tells me that I unevenly put the seam. So I could not restrain myself ….

- When I finish work on my next album, I will play my contracted shows and go on vacation to the Bahamas.

- What concerts? Which Bahamas? You're a welder, Petrovich!

- That's always you! Don't let me dream!

One of the kindergartens was renovated. Soldiers from a neighboring military unit were called in to carry out welding work. After some time, the manager noticed that the children began to use foul language. She immediately understood what was the matter, and went to the commander to complain about the soldiers. He called them to himinto the office and began to report. One of the servicemen says: “No way, Comrade Colonel! None of us expressed ourselves! Even yesterday, when Private Ivanov was welding a pipe, standing on a stepladder, and I supported him from below and hot metal dripped on my head, I calmly made a comrade remark I said: "Private Ivanov, please be more careful! Notice the metal dripping on my head. It hurts unbearably!".