Jokes about the bank. The funniest jokes

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

Your attention is invited to a selection of jokes about the bank. It turns out that funny incidents happen quite often in these institutions as well.

Important person

One friend complains to the second: "Can you imagine, I was fired from my job!". To the question: “How did this happen?”, she replies: “My previous job was also a bank. I was fired from there for absenteeism. And recently, the bank from where I was expelled bought the one in which I recently worked. After that I was fired again. So did they really have to make such a big deal to keep me out of a job?”.

Joke about bank and deposit

A man in torn clothes comes to one of the most prestigious banks in the capital. On his head is a shabby dirty hat. He approaches the employee and, in a voice testifying to his drunken state, says: “I quickly went and made a deposit in your bank!”. The girl pretends not to hear and asks again. The man says again: You are deaf,whether? I told you in Russian, I want to open a deposit in your institution! The bank employee tells the rude man to leave the premises. The man doesn't leave. Then the girl calls the manager for help. He, strictly looking at the visitor, is interested in what the man needs. The drunk citizen explains: “You see, you bastard, I recently won a billion dollars in Sportloto and I want to invest them as soon as possible in your bank!”.

The manager, changing his face, says: “So what? This employee was too slow??? She will be fired today.”

Cherished dream

Jokes about the bank are sometimes about the secret desires of the employees of these institutions.

So, the girl, the secretary of the director of the bank, all her life dreamed of one day putting a lemon not in a cup of tea for her boss, but on her own account.

Motive of the crime

Court is in session. The accused is asked the question: “For what reason did you decide to rob a bank?”.

Without thinking twice, the man replied: “It's not my fault! He started first!”.

Unexpected luck

Arriving on a call, the fire brigade, for the first time in the history of this service, refused to perform their duties. The bank was on fire, and all the firefighters had outstanding loans at the moment.

Dress code violation

A bank employee tries to escort a visitor out into the street, who came to the institution naked. The man guiltily lowers his eyes and says: “I came only for 5 minutes. Wanted to make a loan paymentpay.”

Colleagues

Here's another bank robbery joke. There is a normal working day of employees of the financial sector. Suddenly, a man with a machine gun and a black stocking on his head comes up to the window where loans are issued to the population and shouts: “Fellow robbers, in five minutes all the money from the safe should be in this bag!”.

News

This collection of funny bank jokes should include the following sample as it is unlikely to ever lose its relevance.

The TV announcer tells the viewers one of the latest news: “Yesterday one of the largest Moscow banks, where the deposits of millions of Russian citizens were kept, burst. The leadership of this financial institution was thrown back by the shock wave for several thousand kilometers. Their exact whereabouts are currently unknown.”

Only once a year…

Another funny bank joke.

Judging by the regularity of congratulations, most people's best friends are banks and cell phone companies.

Joke about a bank and a Jew

Several people with Kalashnikovs, in black masks burst into the bank and yell: “This is a robbery! Everybody get down on the floor! Anyone who moves, we will kill on the spot! We will shoot without warning.”

Robbers open the safe, the rustle of bundles of banknotes being thrown into the bag can be heard.

Chief Accountant Abram Solomonovich sighs with relief: “Ugh, now we’ll definitely blame them for everything.”

Unlimited trust

Jew says hiswife: “Sarah, can you imagine, when I came to the bank today to open a deposit, they asked me to show my passport. When I signed the papers, the pen they gave me was tied with a rope. And these people claim they trust their customers!”.

Slot machine lesson

A student of a music school comes to class. He opens the case, and instead of a guitar, there is a Kalashnikov assault rifle. The teacher looks at him in bewilderment and asks: “What does this mean?”. The boy calmly replies, “Probably because my father went to the bank today with a guitar.”

Aerobatics

And here is a joke about a bank, more precisely about a person who decided to do without a savings deposit.

The commander of an aviation division is recruiting fighter pilots. The first candidate is interviewed. This is an American ace.

The commander asks him: "What salary do you expect?". He thought a little and answers: "3000 bucks." Why do you need so much money?” the commander asks. The pilot replied that he wanted to put one thousand in the bank, give one to his wife and use one for his own needs.

The second applicant for the post was a German. He asked for four thousand for his service. He wanted to give two to his wife every month, put one in a bank account, and keep one for himself.

A Russian pilot enters the office. The commander asks him: "How much would you like to receive?".

Man says "Nine thousand". When the commander asked him where this money would go, he replied: “I will give you three thousand,three - to take for yourself and three to give to an American who will fly for this money.”

Finally, a couple more very funny bank jokes.

A major bank has announced that it provides a loan to everyone based only on mutual trust. One man doubted the possibility of such a deal.

He came to the bank and asked: "Is it true that you provide a loan without presenting any documents and guarantee?".

The loan officer replies, “Yes, of course.”

"What guarantees do you have that I will return your money?" the man asks.

They answer him: "If you do not return, then you will be very ashamed." The surprised man asks: “In front of whom are you ashamed of something?”. The employee says: “Before the Almighty, when you stand before Him.” The visitor says: "So it won't be very soon!".

They answer him: “Well, why not? If you do not pay on time, you will appear in a couple of days.”

And the last joke:

There was a robbery of a very large bank. A lot of pearl jewelry was stolen from the safe. The police were unable to find any suspects. Out of desperation, they arrested a drunken man who was lying on the street. In the department, they began to bring him to his senses - to dip him into a basin of cold water, while asking: “Where are the pearls?”. After another dive, the man said: “If you need pearls, then look for another diver! I can't see anything in this muddy water!”.