A funny joke about a mistress

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

Love triangle issues are as old as time. These uneasy relationships have inspired many authors to create literary works and feature films. Do not ignore this topic and folk humor. Therefore, the joke about a mistress or lover does not lose its relevance. As an independent subgenre of oral folk art, it always remains popular and in demand. We offer the reader a selection of funny stories featuring the above characters.

Joke about wife and husband's mistress

A lot of stories and tales are devoted to the confrontation of rivals. After all, the ingenuity of the fair sex in the art of war knows no equal. We present to the reader's attention funny jokes about mistresses who believe that in war all means are good, and wives who do not give up their positions.

The wife has long suspected that her husband has a passion on the side. For a long time she thought about how to catch an unfaithful spouse withred-handed and find out who he's having an affair with. Looking into the glove compartment of his car one day, she found a whole package of male contraceptives. The plan of revenge ripened instantly. The deceived wife pierced each rubber product with a needle, and then lowered the entire packaging with broken integrity into a strong tincture of chili pepper. All that remained was to wait for the trap to work. Just a couple of days later, a friend called her and told her with tears that she was in the hospital, because she was experiencing a terrible burning sensation in an intimate place. The next call came from her husband's doctor. He insisted on an immediate examination of the woman, since her husband had strange symptoms - redness and burning (you can guess where).

The following mistress joke tells the story of word processing tactics and far-reaching strategy.

The wife went on a business trip, while the husband is having fun in their house with his mistress. Having frolicked enough, both lie tired in bed. Mistress says:

- Honey, tell me, do you really love me?

- Of course.

- More than your wife?

- This is a difficult question.

- Why is it difficult? Everything seems obvious to me. The word "mistress" comes from the word "love", and "wife" - it is not clear from which word.

About a resourceful husband

Not being caught is the main task of an unfaithful husband. In such a difficult matter, ingenuity and creativity help many. This joke is about a mistress and herresourceful lover.

A we althy and married man had an affair with a young employee. On Friday evening, the lovers went to a country villa to enjoy each other's company. After drinking wine and tossing around in bed to their heart's content, they fell asleep. In the morning, the man realized that for the lack of a home that night he would have to answer to his wife. Ingenuity came to the rescue. He asks his mistress to take his shoes and rub the soles well on the grass on the lawn. The girl was surprised, but complied with the request of her lover. Upon returning home, the unfaithful husband was immediately interrogated. Sternly wife asked:

- Where have you been all night?

- All this time I spent in the arms of my mistress!

- Liar! Look at your boots! You played golf again and forgot about everything!

Who's cooler?

The next joke about a wife and mistress is almost philosophical. His characters are trying to find the answer to the eternal question.

One day a lawyer, a doctor and a manager met. They discuss who has the advantage - a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: “Of course, a mistress is better. If you are married and want to get a divorce, then all sorts of legal problems cannot be avoided.” The doctor says: “No, it is better to have a wife. Because the feeling of intimate security reduces stress, which affects he alth. The manager says, “You are both wrong. In a man's life, there must be both women. When your wife thinks you are with your mistress and your mistress thinks you are with your wife, you can go to the office and work quietly.”

Jokes about lovers and mistresses

The boss comes to work in a trendy new jacket. His secretary and mistress (part-time) says: “Wow, what a beautiful thing. I haven't seen it with you before.”

The boss proudly replies, “This gift was given to me by my wife. I return from a business trip ahead of time, and this jacket is lying on an armchair in the hall. The wife runs out of the bedroom in her underwear. I have not seen her so excited and joyful for a long time. She says she was preparing a surprise for my arrival. Today she bought a jacket, and tomorrow she is going to buy wine. But since the business trip ended earlier, this must be urgently noted. And I ran to the store for wine.”

The mistress of the house in tears addresses her maid: "Ah, Maria, I suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." The maid replies with surprise and annoyance: “It can’t be! I don't believe it for a second! You just say that to make me jealous!”

Husband comes home from work ahead of time and sees that his wife is playing with some man in bed. Husband: "What are you doing here?" The wife turns to her lover: “Well, you see? I told you the truth: he is a complete idiot!”

Suddenly

Funny jokes about mistresses often have a very unexpected ending. Judge for yourself.

The man is dying. His wife is sitting by his bed. He raises his head and says in a weak voice, "I have something to confess to you." “No need,” the wife replies. Husband insists: “No, I want to diecalmly. Forgive me for all the betrayals and lies. The wife interrupts: "Already forgave." The husband continues: “You don’t understand! I slept with your sisters, with your girlfriends, friends and acquaintances! The wife calmly: “I understand and I know everything. Now you just lie still and let the poison take its toll.”

And this joke about a mistress is interesting not only for its ending, but also for its originality.

Wife hired a private detective to convict her husband of treason. When photos of the unfaithful spouse were received in the arms of her mistress, she exclaimed: “Oh my God! It’s hard to even take offense at him, let alone get a divorce! This lady is worse than an atomic war! And fighting a war is not treason, but a feat!”

And if I find it?

The following jokes are about a husband and a mistress he doesn't have.

The wife constantly pestered her husband with her jealousy. Either he will find someone else's hair on his jacket, or he will smell the smell of women's perfume. Once she did not find anything from her husband, who came home from work, that could indicate treason. In tears, the wife began to scream: “Great, now you are deceiving me with a bald cheap woman who is not able to buy perfume!”

In the store, an elderly lady for a long time could not decide on the choice of a jacket for her granddaughter. For advice, she turned to a young salesman: “Young man, what jacket would you buy for your girlfriend?” The salesman smiled and replied, “Bulletproof! I am married.”

Reasonable

A man is on trial for killing his wife. The judge asks, "Why did you kill your wife?"

Defendant: "I found her in bed with a neighbor."

Judge: “Why did the choice fall on the wife and not on the neighbor?”

Defendant: "It was easier to shoot one woman than a new man every week."

It's a shame

One friend complains to another:

- Can you imagine how unfair fate decreed. I had everything. Money, a big house, a fancy car, and the love of a beautiful woman. But trouble came and took everything away!

- What a horror! What happened?

- My wife found out everything.

The man was released from work early. He calls his mistress and arranges a meeting. She answers him: “Come of course. True, a friend should drop in on me now, but she will come in for a while.”

The man thought that by the time he gets to his mistress on the other side of the city, his girlfriend will have time to leave and decided not to change plans. The man got to his destination, the mistress opens the door and says embarrassedly: “I'm sorry, but my girlfriend is still here. Let's have a cup of tea together in the kitchen for now.”

They go to the kitchen, and the man sees that his girlfriend is his wife. He was not taken aback and said to his wife: “Finally I found you! I have already searched the whole city, and you are sitting here with some woman and drinking tea! Still would go to her lover!”

Sometimes it happens

A man was driving his car at high speed in the evening. Suddenly, a police patrol car appeared and started chasing. On speakerphone, the police demand to stop. Man fromfear and surprise is gaining even higher speed. The situation became too tense, and he still stopped. A policeman approaches, demands to get out of the car and explain what is happening. The terrified man says:

"You see, yesterday my wife left me for a policeman."

Patrolman in disbelief: "How does this relate to speeding?"

Driver embarrassed: “Excuse me, but in the most direct way. I don't know which policeman my wife went to. I thought that the same cop was in this car and was chasing me to get my wife back.”

Two friends meet who haven't seen each other for many years. To celebrate, they decided to go to a pub to exchange news over a glass of beer. We chose seats near the window, drinking beer and talking. Suddenly one exclaims excitedly:

Oh my god! There my wife is talking to my mistress!”

Second: "Where?"

First: “Two women are standing near the stop on the corner. See? On the right is my wife and on the left is my mistress.”

The second surprised: “I see, but only this is my wife and mistress! The wife is on the left and the mistress is on the right.”