A selection of funny pregnancy jokes

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

Everyone knows how many incidents sometimes happen to pregnant ladies. They are weird in the first months, funny stories happen to them during childbirth. In any case, there is no smoke without fire - there are no jokes about pregnancy from scratch.

Funny stories about the definition of pregnancy

A lot of funny stories happen when women are trying to determine if they are pregnant. We present a selection of jokes about the pregnancy test.

Pregnancy test manufacturers are running a generous promotion: "If you provide a positive pregnancy test, you will receive a pacifier as a gift."

A woman asked her pregnant friend (who, by the way, is in her ninth month) to buy her a pregnancy test. The seller in the pharmacy gives the goods and looks over the glasses in surprise:

- Are you still unsure?

The guy decided to play a joke on his girlfriend and drew an extra strip on her pregnancy test. Imagine his surprise when a friend asked:

- Dear, what does three meanstripes?

A young girl rumples in line near the window in the pharmacy. It's her turn, the salesperson asks:

- What do you need?

- Pregnancy test please.

- What do you like?

- I would have been negative…

From a conversation between two bosom friends:

- I had an ultrasound yesterday, it turns out that I am a little pregnant and I have a boy.

- Congratulations! So how is it? Have you already decided what your son's name will be?

- Yes, you wait with the name, I would deal with the patronymic first of all.

Jokes about imaginary pregnancy

Many pregnancy jokes are made up of misidentified pregnancy.

A fat man with a beer belly is standing at the bus stop. A boy tramples next to him and squints at his stomach. Finally, he dares to ask:

- Uncle, who are you waiting for?

- Bus.

- Cool! Will you give me a ride when it's born?

In a medical school, a student is trying to pass an exam. On the question of signs of pregnancy there was a hitch. From the first desk, friends suggest: a big belly grows, hair begins to fall out and legs are crooked. The student answers. Teacher annoyed:

- Are my legs crooked?

- There are some.

- Is my hair falling out?

- Fall out.

- Is my belly big?

- Yes.

- As soon as I give birth, I will immediately give you a test.

The bus is crowded, not to breathe. Herea young thin girl enters and asks to give her a seat because of her pregnancy. The guy shows politeness, stands over her and stares at her intently. After a while, he decides to compliment:

- You know, you can't tell at all that you are pregnant.

- You should have seen for a period of half an hour! But I'm so exhausted…

The lady gets into the taxi cab and commands:

- To the hospital.

The driver convulsively presses the gas pedal to the stop. Passenger reassures:

- Don't be in a hurry, I'm on my way to work.

Concerned Dads

Not all pregnancy jokes are made up. Most of them are taken from life.

The father of three girls came with his wife to do an ultrasound. The doctor is "pleased" that they will have a daughter again. Dad takes the doctor by the elbow and takes him aside:

- Listen, is there anything we can do about this? Can we make a deal?

Young husband calls an ambulance in a panic:

- Help, my wife is in labor!

- Calm down, everything is fine. Is this her first child?

- What are you, I'm her husband!

Three acquaintances are talking to each other, drinking beer. The first says:

- When I was pregnant, I re-read "Two Captains" several times. So we had two strong boys.

- True, true. Mine used to read The Three Musketeers all the time, so now we have three hooligans growing up.

They look at the third, and he turned pale,choked on beer. They ask him:

- Are you okay?

- Yes, where is it! Mine is in her last month now, finishing up Ten Little Indians.

Two employees talking in the hospital:

- What is that scream in the next room? Are four newborns really that loud?

- No, it's their dad.

The husband and wife lay down late at night. In the morning she wakes him up at 4:

- I urgently need to go to the hospital!

- What?

- I say I'm having contractions! Take me to the hospital.

- Honey, are you sure? Can we get some more sleep?

Husband comes home exhausted. He sat down in a chair, staring into space with unseeing eyes. And at that moment, the wife decided to say:

- Honey, I'm a little pregnant here.

- Well, here you are…

What happens in mom's stomach

Everyone is interested in what is happening inside the future mother. Perhaps babies are also wondering what life is like outside of mommy's belly? The compilers of jokes about pregnancy could not ignore this topic.

Two twin babies talking to each other in the womb:

- Do you think there is any life after birth?

- I believe so. What do you doubt?

- So no one has come back yet!

One expectant mother was very fond of eating ice cream. He comes for an ultrasound examination and the doctor sees the following picture: the twins dance from the cold, and one to the othersays:

- Well, nothing, we will winter!

Two babies fighting in the womb:

- Come on, let's go out!

Funny incidents during childbirth

Incredibly funny stories happen even during childbirth, which is why they make funny jokes about pregnancy and childbirth with notes of black humor.

The husband brought his wife, who had begun to give birth, to the hospital and is waiting in the waiting room. He waits for two hours, the third one goes … Then he hears a strange roar from behind the doors, runs to the noise, opens the door and sees a funny sight: six girls are lying on the table, and the doctor is trying hard not to let the next one out and yelling:

- Shine! Turn off the light, somebody! They climb into the light!

A young man marries a pregnant girl. Three months later, she starts having contractions. Confused husband:

- How so, we haven't known each other for so long?

- Well, you yourself count: three months before the wedding, multiply by three after.

Husband agreed, drove his wife. She returns with a black child. The husband again does not understand anything, but the caring wife explains:

- Do you remember how we were going to the hospital, a black cat ran across the road to us? Here is the black son.

The husband believed. He comes next weekend to his parents and tells how it turned out 9 and about the cat. Dad asks his wife:

- Don't you remember when I drove you to the hospital, the ram didn't cross our path?

The woman is pregnant for the second time. Husband is often jokingwarned her not to eat too much or she would burst. And now, the time has come to give birth. The older child asks where his mother is, to which he is answered:

- Taken to hospital.

- What, did it burst?!