Funny jokes about Stirlitz

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

The popularity of Stirlitz can only be compared with the fame of James Bond. This Soviet intelligence agent was glorified in many literary works, songs and films. Naturally, there were some jokes about Stirlitz. Despite all respect for the spy, jokes are quite common.

Jokes and jokes dedicated to Stirlitz

Many jokes about Stirlitz are dedicated to his quirky mind and ingenuity.

Stirlitz dies, and according to the classics of the genre, he gets to the gates to Paradise. Peter is there with the key, he does not want to let the spy through due to many sins. The scout begins to argue and prove his case. Michael arrives at the noise and wonders what's the matter. Peter tells. The archangel sighs wearily and says:

- Yes you miss it. Try to prove something here.

Autumn, cool air. Stirlitz is walking along the road near Berlin. Suddenly, something drips into his ear. The scout raises his head and sees high in the sky a wedge of cranes flying in an east-west direction. Among the flock you can see a silhouette with a hang glider. Stirlitz immediately realized that this was a Moscow check.

Stirlitz at home, resting afterwell-deserved day of work. There is a respectful knock on the door. The spy immediately guessed that it was Bezrukov.

Humor addressed to Stirlitz and Muller

A significant part of the spy humor is dedicated not only to the main character. There are really hilarious jokes about Stirlitz and Muller.

Stirlitz and Muller are drinking at the bar. Muller says:

- I know that you are a resident of Russia. We blew the war … But tell me, do you really think that you will become famous in your homeland? Yes, you are waiting for execution or exile!

- I fundamentally disagree with you. The home of the scout expects recognition and reverence.

- Well you give! Maybe you can also say that the former spy will be able to rule Russia, and a woman chancellor will appear in Germany. You drank too much!

Stirlitz said nothing and hid a sly smile.

One day Muller, entering his office, found Stirlitz rummaging through classified documents near his desk.

- What are you doing here? Muller wonders.

- Yes, I'm waiting for the bus.

- Buses can't run here, he grins back.

- Naturally they cannot walk, they are without legs, - Stirlitz answers.

Mueller left the office for a smoke break to put everything in order in his head. He returns, and Stirlitz is already gone. “Well, he left,” he thinks.

Muller comes to Stirlitz:

- You are delayed, come with me.

- What am I accused of? - Stirlitz is interested.

- Isn't that allequals? You, as always, will turn away, but we need to fulfill the plan, create the appearance of active work …

Stirlitz gave out an obscene anecdote and drove Muller into a blush. You look so vulnerable, he thought as he closed the dye can.

Stirlitz sits in his chair and deciphers a letter from Russia. Suddenly, Muller runs into the room, rips a piece of the page out of the hands of the spy, and runs out at the same speed.

"Huh, it's gone" - the scout decided.

"You would have been carried away the same way," the Gruppenfuehrer thinks.

Funny jokes about Stirlitz

Some short jokes about Stirlitz won the hearts of many people.

Walking around the city, Stirlitz saw a movie poster on which it was written in large print: "Alien vs Predator". His next thought was: “What the hell are these election campaigns getting into.”

A very interesting fact about the famous film about Stirlitz. All the fascists had the following entry in the dossier: "There are no connections compromising his reputation." Stirlitz, in the same document, noted the following: “No connections that compromised his reputation were noticed.” Coincidence?

Stirlitz was not to be woken up by a tank, he was dozing like a dead man. Once, he was even circled in chalk.

- Wow, what a cute baby squirrel! - Stirlitz held out his hands admiringly.

- Clearly out of place, the skunk giggled nastily.

During the next chase, Stirlitz had to shoot blindly. Unfortunate blind loudscreaming and crying.

Stirlitz decided to remain incognito: he knocked down the door and silently crept up to the unsuspecting Muller.

After a great booze on Friday night, Stirlitz wakes up early in the morning and thinks:

- What a wonderful drink yesterday. It seems like he drank so much, but his head does not hurt at all. And two days off are still waiting.

Poor man! He had no idea it was Tuesday morning.

The wife reproaches her lover:

- Do you remember how in the film Stirlitz did not see his wife for 16 years? In all this time, he never cheated on her!

- So she thought so…

- He couldn't lie to her!

- Come on! He lied to the whole empire, but he couldn't lie to his wife?!

Reference to radio operator Kat

Some jokes about Stirlitz mention one of the few female spies - radio operator Kat. This brave woman truly deserves the glory.

Stirlitz and Kat stopped under the windows of her entrance. Cat Suggests:

- Do you mind meeting at the hospital on Saturday?

Stirlitz looked up and saw the included light pouring from the window. He realized that the freak and the truth is now at home.

Stirlitz moved along the enemy corridor with weapons at the ready. There was a noise behind one of the doors, and the spy emptied the entire clip through it. Opening the door, he saw radio operator Kat on the floor with multiple bullet holes in her chest.

- I will take revenge! - the scout decided.

Kat strangled Stirlitz with fluffyfur collar.

- Scribe! - concluded the spy.

Stirlitz went into the radio operator's office and with a sigh laid his head on her knees. Kat squealed in disgust, not liking Holtoff's head.

Jokes about Stirlitz are dedicated not only to his ingenuity and mind. Many jokes do not carry much mental load, allowing readers to just relax and have fun from the heart.