Funny animal jokes

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-11 20:26

Probably, each of us can remember at least one case from his life when a joke heard or read in time could raise a bad mood. Where and when this type of folk art first appeared is now difficult to determine. We can only say with certainty that as long as vices are alive in society, such stories will be in demand.

Funny stories and jokes about animals are always very popular. After all, their stories give people the opportunity to look at their actions allegorically and with humor. We hope the selection presented in this article will be of interest to the reader.

Jokes about animals in the forest

The authors of these short stories often draw an analogy between people and animals, pointing out the similarity of the laws of the real and the stone jungle. It is easy to see in the habits of this or that animal the features characteristic of various types of people. And certain problems of relationships in society are ridiculed by jokes about animals using the example of a fictional forest community.

A monkey is sitting on a palm tree, chewing bananas, and suddenly sees: a fox is rushing somewhere at full speed.

- Hey fox, whathappened?

- Yes, we have a new leadership in the forest. Impose taxes on fur. It is necessary to change the place of residence, because the skin will be removed.

Hearing this news, the monkey left the bananas and rushed to run, so much so that he overtook the fox. The fox was surprised at such a turn and shouted to the monkey in the next.

- Where are you going? You have nothing to be afraid of with a bare bottom.

The monkey answers without stopping.

- It seems that I don’t know our orders. They will just start with bare-assed ones.

One day a hare and a raccoon meet in the forest. The hare asks.

- How are you? Nobody offends? Just tell me, I'll figure it out quickly!

Raccoon replies sadly:

- Yes, my business is bad. If the wolf meets, then he will definitely beat. I'm trying not to show my face to him.

The hare responds with feigned efficiency.

- Well, Gray won't offend just like that, so he deserves it!

One sunny morning the bears woke up in their comfortable lair. The little bear ran into the kitchen.

- Who ate from my bowl, drank from my cup and ate my porridge? - shouts Little Bear.

- Someone also ate from my bowl, and there is no porridge! - shouts the bear.

A bear enters the kitchen and says:

- Yes, you are tired! Every morning is the same! The dishes will not wash themselves, and I have not cooked porridge yet!

About the forest authorities

Allegorical ridicule of rash acts that sin not only ordinary people, but also the powers that be - a favorite topic of folkhumor. Therefore, the joke about the king of beasts often comes in handy when you need to cheer up at difficult working moments.

A lion and a lioness are sitting quietly in their den, suddenly a monkey climbs a nearby tree and starts insulting the mighty lion.

The lioness gets angry and says, “King of the jungle, how did you let that little monkey insult you? You must punish her.”

You're right, but you know, I'm the king of the jungle, and I can't stoop to the level of such a being. Let's just ignore him.”

The lioness sat in amazement in silence, but the monkey did not let up. And at some point, the lioness lost her patience: “I can’t allow such disrespect and I’ll teach the monkey a lesson.”

The lioness chased the monkey for a long time. In the process of chasing, she ran out of the jungle and ended up at a construction site. He sees that the monkey makes his way into the pipe, and jumps after it. The pipe was narrow and the lioness got stuck.

Seeing what happened, the monkey moved in behind her.

“Who is the bad girl? Who is the bad girl? - the monkey shouts and beats the lioness in the ass. This continues for several minutes. After enjoying the humiliation of the lioness, the monkey leaves with a smirk on his face.

After a long struggle, the lioness finally gets out of the pipe. Hurt and completely embarrassed, she returns home to the jungle and her king.

"How was the hunt?" the lion asked curiously.

The lioness couldn't even look at him.

"Ahhh, she took you to the construction site, didn't she?"

Instructive

Funny and funny jokes about animals often point to the ridiculous actions of people, contrasting them with the reasonable behavior of our smaller brothers.

• A thief got into the house late at night. Making his way through the darkness, he heard a voice: "Jesus is watching you." The thief looked around and saw nothing. As he continued to crawl, he heard again: "Jesus is watching you." In a dark corner, the thief saw a cage with a parrot and asked him: “Did you say that Jesus was watching me?” The parrot replied, "Yes." Reassured, the intruder asked, "What's your name?" The parrot replied, "Clarence." The thief said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot called you Clarence?" The parrot replied, “The same one that named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
• One day a man went to visit a friend. Entering the house, he was amazed to see his friend playing chess with his dog. For a while the man looked at the game in amazement. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "This is the smartest dog I have ever seen." “No, this dog is not that smart! - answered a friend. “I beat him three games out of five.”

Dirty animal jokes

Despite the fact that folk humor can be quite "spicy", its sparkle often hits the mark, since the situations that are ridiculed are understandable to everyone. However, in this manner, jokes about animals are perceived by the listener not as sharply as about people.

• It so happened that different animals fell into the hole dug by the hunters. First the wolf, then the fox, and then the pig. The piglet is the worst of all, because the outcome is clear. The fox is also worried about his fate. Only the wolf sees the advantages in the current situation. The fox is a very attractive lady, and the piglet will do as a romantic dinner. The wolf explained to the fox that he needed to be kinder to him, because it is easier to get out of the pit when full and satisfied. Lisa agreed. They began to get close to the pig, and he offers to finally perform a song. The wolf agreed. The howls of the piglet were heard by the hunters, and they seized everyone. They tie the wolf, and he thinks: “Well, not a fool? Dinner was, sex was planned, so no, I wanted a show!”
• Elephant and camel practice wit. The elephant asks: “Why do you have boobs on your back?” The camel replies: “Ha! This is a funny question from an animal with a cock hanging from its snout.”
• Two nuns from Europe come to New York. Somewhere they read that Americans eat hot dogs, so they want to try this strange dish. Walking around the city, they hear: “Hot dog! Eat a hot dog!" The nuns are rushing to the vendor to buy a couple! As the first lady unwraps her hot dog, her face turns white as she gasps as she asks her friend, "Which part of the dog did you get?!"
• An old man in his 90s was walking in the park and found a talking frog. When he picked it up, the frog said: "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess, and you can have me for a whole week." The old man puts the frog in his pocket. She screams, “Hey, okay, if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and you will make love to me for a month.” Old manlooks at the frog and says, "At my age, I'd rather just talk to you, frog."

With double meaning

Especially funny jokes about animals - those that have a double meaning.

• What is the difference between a politician and a snail? One is a slippery pest that leaves a nasty trail everywhere, and the other is just a snail.
• Why does a squirrel swim on its back? Prefers to keep his nuts dry!
• How does a mouse feel after taking a shower? Pure as hell.
• Can a kangaroo jump higher than a skyscraper? Of course, the building can't jump.
• It was the first birthday of a mosquito that flew out of the house. When the whole mosquito family returned home, the mosquito father asked: “How was your debut?” Komarik replied: “Just great. Everyone clapped for me!”

With an unexpected ending

Jokes about animals, the meaning of which is only clear in the end, are also very popular.

• The magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience changed every week, so his program included the same tricks. However, there was a problem. The captain's parrot was constantly watching the show and began to understand the technique of tricks. During the show, he started shouting out secrets: "It's not the same hat.", "He hides flowers under the table.", "Hey, he's got cards up his sleeve!" The magician was furious, but could not do anything, because it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship was wrecked. magician and parrotescaped and drifted by the ocean on the wreck of the ship. Staring at each other with hatred, they didn't say a word. This went on for a whole day, then another. Finally, after a week, the parrot said, “Okay, I give up. Where's the damn boat?”
• Two bats hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Can you remember your worst day last year?" She replies, "Of course, that's the day I had diarrhea!"

Moral

Sometimes animal jokes help to take a critical look at moral issues.

A religious woman bought a parrot. At home, she found the bird screaming "I'm a whore, I'm a whore!" The embarrassed lady does not know what to do and turns to the priest for help. He says, “I have a godly male parrot that sits in its cage and prays all day. Perhaps if we put your bird with mine, he will realize his mistake and become more well-mannered. The next day, the woman brought her bird to the priest's house and put it in a cage with a pious parrot. A few seconds later, her parrot started yelling "I'm a slut, I'm a slut!" The parrot of the priest exclaimed: “Glory to the Almighty, my prayers have been heard!”