Jokes and jokes about Halloween

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

Every autumn on October 31, the whole world celebrates the mystical Halloween holiday, jokes about which have come down to us. This ominous, at first glance, holiday sometimes turns into the sweetest collection of evil spirits of all stripes. Characters cause not so much horror as a smile. They spend such a holiday either in the company of friends, or at themed parties with cocktails from dead water.

Otherworldly jokes

If you are going to relax in good company, then you will not do without good jokes about Halloween. Stock up on marshmallows, candies, popcorn and gather your buddies around the campfire, for example. Only the highlight of the program will not be chilling stories, but funny jokes and anecdotes about Halloween. High-quality humor is guaranteed to provide you with an unforgettable pastime and a sea of smiles-grins of the devil's henchmen gathered at the holiday.

This article brings to your attention selected, full of black humor and inveterate sarcasm, short Halloween jokes. The main thing here is notdie of laughter (or fear?).

The best Halloween jokes about all evil spirits

Conversation between two vampires:

– Comrade, do you like that leggy blonde over there?

– I've actually been staring at the fat man next to her for a long time. Just think, it has a whole liter and a half more blood!

Werewolves talking in a German forest:

– What's up man?

– I can't bear it at all now! I stole a chicken from local farmers once, and then they chased me all night through the fields with snowmobiles.

– Eh, what was I talking about? Let's rush to Rossiushka - they honor werewolves there, they give out epaulettes, they take work in the authorities.

Night Outing

Halloween. Night. One of the graves spits out a zombie on the surface, which heads towards its cross and starts spinning it in concentration. His neighbor crawls out of another grave and indignantly says:

– Petya, what are you trying to do?

– Ta shoto internet is messing up

Pillar

Three vampires in the form of bats hang on a tree - one Frenchman, another Englishman, the third Chukchi.

The Frenchman took off and flew off to look for prey, returns fifteen minutes later with blood on his lips. Friends and ask him:

– Oops, who was that?

– See this castle? the Frenchman answers. – A beautiful girl is sleeping on the second floor, I flew in through the window and drank her blood.

Then an Englishman flew away in search of blood. After a while, he returns with blood on his face. Comrades and ask him:

– Where did you find it?

– Onthe stable was. There the mare is so luxurious, bulky, I drank her blood!

Vampire from Chukotka went hunting. Returns bloodied.

– Wow, how did you manage to drink so much blood?

– Do you see the pole over there? the Chukchi answers.

– Well, we see.

– I didn't see it.

Halloween jokes

– Sasha, who will you play on Halloween? - Drunk alcoholic! - Again?!

Those who say that the holiday of the decaying West Halloween is not suitable for Russia, either they know Halloween or Russia little.

On Halloween, kids dress up as evil spirits and beg for sweets. It's the only day of the year when a girl can act like a slut while still maintaining a respectable status.

– Son, what is this Halloween of yours? - Well, dad, this is when all the kikimors, witches and mermaids gather in one place and have a sabbath. - Don't confuse Halloween with March 8 for me!

Every Halloween a bbw has a dilemma: what would be scarier to put on - leggings, a miniskirt or leggings?

Two men talking: - I have a terribly terrible wife. Yesterday I dared to fulfill my marital duty. - How did you decide? – Well, Halloween.

– How do you make up for Halloween?

– I don’t even need makeup…

A girl chooses a costume for a Halloween party in a store. How much is the mermaid costume? - Seven thousand. - Wow, how expensive! And the bat? - Five thousand. Hmm, still expensive. And the costume of this Baba Yaga? -Girl, you point to the mirror.

-Barrymore, what's the noise on the street? -Halloween, sir. - What kind of fruit is this? - All Saints' Eve, sir. "Then why do they all look like ghouls and devils?" - They believe that the demons that came out through the gates of spirits that opened on the day of the Celtic New Year will take them for their own and will not touch them. - So, what side are the saints here? - Sir, this is just an excuse to get drunk.

- I'll make myself a paycheck costume for Halloween. - Are you late again?

If the day of the week was Halloween, it would definitely be Monday.

- How are you coming to Halloween? - No way, or rather I will be myself: I will cut the truth-womb. I answer, this is the worst thing you could think of.

Girl and vampires

Two vampires are sitting on the grave, and a little girl is running around them. She runs and teases them. Shows them.

– Give it back, please! the vampires ask her to return something.

– And don't wait!

– Well, please, do you want us to kneel before you?!

– So I believed you!

The werewolf sees this scene. Stops and looks at the naughty girl.

– Hey guys, what are you talking about with her?! Eat and be done!

– Yeah, run away, she's got our teeth!

No jokes with the heart

A black coffin on small wheels rides down the street. So I drove up to the house, went into the entrance, went up to the ninth floor, pressed the call button. The door was opened by a young girl. The coffin opens, a vampire flies out of it and shouts:

– Heart, give it backmy heart! … just kidding, of course! You've become the lucky winner of the day - you've won a 40 percent discount on a popular rock star's CD! Girl, hey girl! I was joking! Why are you blue?!

Delivery

Calmly and well lie in the coffin of a vampire, no one touches. Suddenly, a knock on the coffin lid.

– What the hell did it bring?

– Your personal postman. Forgotten, right? You received a letter in your box!

Loss returned

One woman turned to a magical salon with a specific purpose. On the threshold, she is met by a sort of colorful Hottabych in a hoodie with a crystal ball, wand and other nonsense and asks about the purpose of her visit. Well, the woman says:

- My work is not so hot, it is difficult to feed three children, and my husband, a scoundrel, went to a young woman. I will pay as much as it takes, just return the breadwinner back to the family!

Of course, the sorcerer's lip is not a fool, he answers her:

- Everything will be fine, I promise. Put 1000 rubles into the cashier. If you have any problems, come back for a second session.

Crying women leaves the magician's office. A week later, this madam returns to the salon again, but now frightened and very shabby. The sorcerer asks:

- Has your husband come back yet?

Hears in response:

- He returned, he returned, but the first one, whom she buried 10 years ago.

Bad Influence

Once a drug addict sits in a cemetery and smokes weed. Night. Moon. A complete Halloween. To complete the picture, a dead man crawls out of the grave near him and, irritatedthe presence of the boy, decides to scare him a little. He approaches him and says:

- Hey, give me a puff!

The drug addict didn't bat an eyelid, handed him a cigarette. The dead man dragged on, walked away and thinks that, apparently, he does not look scary enough. He tore all his skin, tore out his eye and made a second attempt.

- Hey, boy, give the unfortunate one another puff!

The drug addict calmly answers:

- Well, take a puff.

The dead man walked away and began to think how he could scare the fearless guy. Tore off his leg and arm, crawls to a drug addict.

- Give me one more puff!!!

A drug addict and answers him:

- Nah, I won't!

- Why so???

- It's bad for your he alth!

Wrong Turn

Once three young men fell into the hands of a vampire: an American, a German and a Russian. He tells them that if there is someone among them who can make him laugh, he will be released.

The American started joking, but his jokes are flat: his blood has curled up in the throat of a vampire.

The German suffered the same fate.

And the Russian offered to drag on a cigarette. The vampire agreed, although he did not understand how this would help the Russian laugh.

They smoked, smoked vigorous weed, after a whole hour they cackled under fly agarics.

Releasing, then, a resourceful Russian vampire.

But it wasn't there. Only a Russian beyond the threshold - shast, on his shoulder a vampire's hand was attached.

The vampire apologized for wanting to eat after laughing, and that's the end of the fairy tale.

Atypical jokes

- Mom, mom, I saw my grandmother! - I told you a thousand times not to dig deep in the sandbox, fidget!

Postcard to mother-in-law: "Dear, dear mother-in-law! I congratulate you with all my heart on Halloween - your professional holiday!"

Why don't all ghosts appear in public on Halloween? Some just don't find a comfortable neck.

According to the Halloween dictionary, flying into a chimney means contacting evil spirits.

Bald Mountain Spray Spray will help keep your hair flawless while flying on a broom, even in very windy weather.

Riddle: "It passes around the cemetery, but does not stir, what is it?" Answer: "Fence!"

Halloween omen: "The black cat unfortunately breaks your mirror with an empty bucket."

Perhaps one of the scariest Halloween pranks is: "A pathologist's nightmare: he gets calls from grateful clients."

Halloween for kids

Children's Halloween jokes include the following:

Cinderella, don't forget that at exactly midnight your head will turn into a pumpkin! - so the good fairy shouted after the departing carriage.

Cinderella didn't hear her, of course. Long live Halloween!”

« - Halloween I met in a horse costume.

- Mane and apples?

- No, I took my dad's coat.”

Finally, let's read one of the sparkling jokes about Halloween on KVN:

Halloween is the only day of the year whenat a corporate party, a girl can give the following compliment: "You are so scary!" and not get punched in the face.

Ready for the holiday

If you have already celebrated this holiday, do not despair. Save these Halloween jokes for next year. With a probability of 99 percent, your friends will appreciate this approach. Do not miss the opportunity to give people positive emotions at least on holidays.

Hope you enjoyed our selection of Halloween jokes for this article!