Jokes about the USSR. Fresh and old jokes

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

Jokes about life in the USSR existed not only to laugh and cheer up. They had a more important task - to maintain the morale of the Soviet people. Now it is quite possible to say: Soviet jokes are already outdated. There are many modern jokes that will be more understandable and interesting to contemporaries. However, practice shows that many of those same old jokes are relevant even today, and the incredible sense of humor of the Soviet people cannot leave today's youth indifferent.

Historical background

People who made the times of the Soviet Union remember that period with warmth. Unfortunately, they never managed to achieve the promised abundance, but the Soviet people firmly believed that they were already on the threshold of that very "bright future". A sense of humor helped them fight the non-ideality around them: jokes about the USSR on various topics were very popular.

In particular, the inhabitants of the USSR were very fond of jokes on topical issues. Moreover, humor has become, to some extent, a way to control the population: satirical magazinesand films in a humorous way criticized what was objectionable to the leaders of the country. At the same time, Soviet jokes that were circulating among the people ridiculed political leaders, political power, unfulfilled promises and negative features of the life of those times.

By the way, such popular ridicule was fraught with punishment, because jokes of this type were not advertised for a long time and at the same time existed, and even old jokes about the USSR have survived to this day almost in their original form.

Jokes about communism

At the next party meeting of the collective farm, they decided to consider two issues: the construction of a barn and the construction of communism. Since no boards were found, we decided to go straight to the discussion of the second question.

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– The most permanent thing in the USSR?

– The stump is clear: difficulties that are temporary.

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A telegram from a Jew addressed to Lenin came to the Kremlin in Moscow: “Comrade Lenin, please help the Jew, everything is very bad.”

The sender is called to the Kremlin and asked:

– Are you okay? Lenin is no longer alive, he is dead!

– That's how you are all the time. As you need - so he is alive. And as for us, everything is already dead.

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It was decided to open a brothel for foreign sailors in Odessa. The post of head of the house was offered to the famous bandit Aunt Pese from Moldavanka. But Aunt Pesya suddenly became indignant and refused.

– Why? they ask her in bewilderment.

– But because I know you! exclaimed Aunt Pesya. - Demand to leave ten beds for the city committee, about twenty -for the regional committee, and also for the needs of the authorities. In the spring you will take my girls to the collective farm for sowing, in the fall - to clean, and throughout the year - for subbotniks. Should I go to bed myself and fulfill the plan?!

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– How many words are in the shortest joke in the world?

– One: communism.

Jokes about the leaders of the USSR

– What did Khrushchev bring to scientific communism?

– Soft character after the letter “z”.

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The times of Lenin were like a tunnel: it is dark everywhere, but there is light ahead.

In Stalin's times, they lived like in a bus: half of the people are sitting, the other half are cowardly, and drive alone.

Life under Khrushchev was like a circus: one spoke, everyone laughed.

The Brezhnev times were like a movie: everyone was waiting for the session.

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Lenin once received a telegram from a small town with the text: “The Shkrabs are starving.”

– Who are they? - he asked. It was explained to him that "skrabs" are called school workers - an abbreviation, in general.

– What a vile word! Lenin was indignant. How can teachers be called that? Disorder!

After some time, he receives a telegram with the following content: “The teachers are starving.”

– Well, this is a completely different matter! Lenin rejoiced.

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Stalin visited the dying Lenin.

– I feel bad, my friend. I will die soon,” complained Lenin.

– Well then, give me the power, okay? - askedStalin.

– Well, I'm not sorry, but I'm afraid people won't follow you.

– Whoever refuses to follow me will follow you! Stalin replied.

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The workers complained to Lenin for a long time that there was no food.

– We only eat oats! Come on, we'll be neighing like horses soon! one of them was indignant.

– Hey, don't lie! I ate a jar of honey yesterday and, as you can see, did not buzz! Lenin replied.

Jokes about scarcity

Two Jews are talking.

– When communism comes, I will buy myself a private jet!

– Why do you need it?

– What if they give butter in Syktyvkar? Half an hour by plane and I'm already there!

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– What is Karl Marx's definition of scarcity?

– Deficiency is an objective reality that we do not feel.

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– What came first, the chicken or the egg?

– Before, everything was just…

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– Are you out of meat again? a customer asks a grocery store clerk.

– Pure lie! - the seller is indignant in response. - There is no meat in the deli, which is opposite ours. And we don't have fish.

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In the grocery store, the grandmother asks the seller:

– Milok, is there a servelat?

– No.

– And Krakow sausage?

–No, the salesman shrugs.

– Well, do you have doctor's sausage then?

– Grandma, you have a memory! – admired the seller.

Jokes about correspondence

Newspaper salesman yells at passers-bypeople:

– No "Truth"! Sold "Soviet Russia"!

– What is there? they ask him.

– Well, there is Trud, for three kopecks.

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– Is there a difference between Pravda and Izvestia newspapers?

– Yes. There is no truth in Izvestia, and there is no news in Pravda.

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Napoleon, Caesar and Alexander the Great watch the parade on Red Square.

– I would be invincible if I owned tanks like the USSR, Alexander said.

– And I would have conquered the whole world if I had planes like the USSR, – Caesar answered.

– If I had the Pravda newspaper, no one would ever know about Waterloo! Napoleon added calmly.

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– Is there anything in common between the editor of a Soviet newspaper and a sapper?

– Yes, both are only wrong once in their lives.

Jokes about work

The highest level of conspiracy in the republics of the USSR. For example, in the UK, one company does not know what is going on in another company. In France, one laboratory does not know what is being done in another. In America, the employee does not know what the colleague sitting at the next table is doing. In the Soviet Union, the worker himself does not know what he is doing.

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– There is no unemployment in the Soviet Union. Why?

– Everyone is busy: someone builds, someone breaks.

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It was during a meeting at the collective farm.

– We give the floor to the honorary member of the board of our collective farm - Ivan Petrovich Shchukin, - says the chairman. Whenthe applause subsided, Ivan got up and cursed loudly.

– Ivan Petrovich wanted to say that we all litter, but only he cleans up, the chairman explained.

Conclusion

Here they are, jokes about the USSR, which amused many generations of the times of the Soviet Union. Despite the fact that some of them were risky to tell, people did not deny themselves this pleasure.

Another advantage of Soviet humor is that it is local in nature: it is unlikely that even now foreigners would be able to understand what is being said in this or that joke. But for the Soviet people and even modern youth, who did not find the times of the USSR, for the most part, jokes about the USSR will be understandable.