2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25
Being a mother is an honorable duty, a great joy and a difficult path. Don't believe? Read the best mom jokes!
Mom jokes
Joking about mom, even if it's not funny at all, and mom is not in the mood to have fun…
I woke up this morning. I lie down, waiting for my mother to cook breakfast. And suddenly I remembered - damn it, it's me now my mother!
Wife calls her husband:
- Honey, we decided to hang out with the girls here, take your son, okay?
- Where from?
- From the hospital.
- The neighbors probably think I'm a bad mother…
- Why?
- My son has been yelling all day today. And I just forbade him to measure the temperature of borscht with a thermometer, let the cat out of the washing machine, took away the "Fairy" when he was going to drink it.
Did you know that schizophrenia and pedophilia are incurable, as well as the belief of some mothers that their child is a genius?
The head of the family, of course, is dad. But who is dad - mom decides!
Today I went to the parent meeting. And when I left the house, my son followed me:"Mom, the main thing is not to trust anyone there!".
Television commercial: "He began to take up too much space? From him noisy and dirty? Have no idea where to put him? Give your son to the army!".
Mom and son
And here there are funny jokes about mother and son, and even sad ones come across. Life is like this.
The son decided to tell a tired mother a fairy tale.
- Once upon a time there was an old man and an old woman. The old woman was already 30 years old…
Mom jumped up and down. Sleep in one eye!
Mom, can I have some candy?
- Only through my soup!
- Mom, what is he althier - ice cream or sausages?
- Son, now smoking is he althier than sausages!
- Son, what are you writing?
- Letter to Santa Claus.
- And what did you ask him for?
- One hundred bucks, a kilo of sweets and a year without washing your face!
Son-hare asks his mother:
- Mom, I'll go to the forest and play with a hedgehog, eh?
- What are you, son - he's INJECTED!
Mom comes home from work:
- Well, what have you been up to, son?
- Came home from school, had lunch, washed the dishes…
- Well done, here's some candy for you!
- Then wiped the plate!
- Good girl! Help yourself to cookies!
- And then I had to pick up the pieces and throw out the trash…
Jewish mother steps out onto the balcony:
- Lyova, home!
- Mom, am I already cold?
- No, you're hungry!
Mother tells her son a story:
- The prince saw Cinderella at the ball, so for the whole evening he could not take his eyes off her…
- Why did the prince need Cinderella's Eye?
Son asks his mother:
- Mom, did you have a computer as a child?
- No son.
- A smartphone?
- How smart are you?
- Ma, how old are you! Have you seen dinosaurs?
- Mom, I'm fifteen today. May I wear a miniskirt, high heels and makeup?
- Well, I really don't know, son…
- Mom, today is Saturday, can my friends bring me later than usual?
SMS from son: "I have twenty lectures today, I'll be there in the morning." - "Okay, son, just don't forget to put the cover on your notebook."
- Mom, it's me. Please don't worry, I'm in the hospital.
- Son, you've been a doctor for seven years now. Stop starting your calls with the same phrase.
Family and children
Jokes about mom tend to mention dad as well. As the main witness.
- Mom, what's a stupid joke?
- It's when your father says he runs a company, and after you get married it turns out it's a company of drinking buddies.
Suddenly out of my mother's bedroom, All wounded, lame, Uncle Petya runs out
And father with a chainsaw.
- Mom, where did we come from?
- Usthe Lord created…
- And dad said that we are descended from monkeys.
- Let your dad talk about his relatives, and I - about mine!
The wife says to her husband:
- You know, we scolded our daughter for the piercing in vain. Now that she has a nose ring, getting her to school in the morning just got a whole lot easier!
Son asks father:
- Dad, what is a real man?
- Well, this is a strong man who protects and cares for his family.
- I want to become a real man like our mother!
Husband visited his mother-in-law in the hospital. Comes back and says to his wife:
- Looks like your mom will be discharged soon.
- Where did you get that from?
- The doctor said to prepare for the worst.
Daddy bathes his little son in the bathroom and yells to his wife:
- Mash, Vaska is eating foam!
And after a couple of minutes:
- Masha, count up, she's really tasty!
The wife says to her husband:
- Mom and dad are coming to visit us. The train arrives on June 22 at 4 am.
- Just like the Nazis in 1941… - grumbles the husband.
Children and school
Where there are jokes about mom, there are jokes about school. In "science" the child spends many hours. And sometimes they also leave for an extension.
Son says to mother:
- No more going to school! Well her. Again Sidorov will trip, Petrov will push, and Ivanov will put buttons on the chair…
- Son, dear, but you have to. Firstly, you are already forty, and secondly, you are the directorschools.
Somehow a teacher came to a student-loser:
- Come on, Vovochka, call your mom!
- Mom is at work!
- Call dad then!
- Dad is hiding too!
- Dad, did you also go to school when you were a kid?
- Of course son, and never missed class!
- Well, you see, I told you that it makes no sense to spend so much time on this school!
- Hooray! Vacation! - mom and dad shouted and, cheerfully tossing the diary, ran around the room.
What a smart and kind boy we are growing
And the last portion. As the name suggests, the most life-affirming and positive.
- Mom, give me a hundred rubles!
- Why?
- I'll give them to that poor grandfather over there.
- What a great guy you are! What kind! Where is grandpa?
- Hey, he sells ice cream.
- Why don't you eat? the mother asks her son. - He himself said that he was hungry as a wolf!
- Where did you see the wolf eating salad and porridge?
- Granny, is it true that evil must be repaid with good?
- Yes, granddaughter, it is.
- Then give me a ten - I broke your glasses.
A little boy is sitting in the sandbox and eating something.
- What are you chewing?
- I don't know, it crawled on its own…
- How are you at school, son?
- I don't want to talk to the father of a loser!
Letter from son frompioneer camp: "Dear mom and dad, I live well. Yesterday we had a boxing competition. I'm sending toothpaste and a brush. I won't need them anymore."
The teacher told the lesson that children used to be given unusual names. For example, Oyushminald - which meant "Otto Yulievich Schmidt on an ice floe." Or Dazdraperma - "Long live May Day!".
Vovochka says thoughtfully:
- And I should have been named Triperok. My birthday is the thirty-first of October.
Son screaming from hallway:
- Mom-ah!
- Why are you yelling? - answers the mother from the room. - Come here, tell me normally what happened…
The son came and asks:
- I stepped in the mud, where can I wash my sandals?
We hope these funny jokes cheer you up.
Recommended:
Jokes about medicine and doctors. The funniest jokes
It is generally accepted that the most "cool" profession we have is taxi drivers. It is about them and their professional activities that a huge number of anecdotes, jokes and aphorisms are composed. But doctors confidently breathe into their backs. They, one might say, are in second place in popularity in the ranking of the most-most, and therefore we decided to devote this material entirely to jokes about medicine and everything connected with it
Jokes about Armenians: jokes, jokes, funny stories and the best jokes
While Americans are joking with Russians, Russians are making up stories about Americans. An example is the same Zadornov, better known for his age-old saying: “Well, the Americans are stupid! ..” But one of the most popular in our country has always been and probably will be jokes about Armenians, while Armenians always joke about Russians. What interesting jokes about them are in use in our country today?
The funniest jokes in the world
In this article, your attention will be presented with a selection of the funniest jokes. Some of them are brand new, and some have already passed the long test of time. One way or another, they were all selected as a result of a thorough study of the press. Therefore, each of them deserves the attention of readers
Jokes about the bank. The funniest jokes
Your attention is invited to a selection of jokes about the bank. It turns out that in these institutions, too, quite often there are funny incidents. Jokes about the bank are sometimes about the secret desires of the employees of these institutions. So, the girl, the secretary of the director of the bank, all her life dreamed of one fine day putting a lemon not in a cup of tea for her boss, but on her own account
Jokes about Chechens. The funniest jokes
This article is about jokes about Chechens. For all their external severity, representatives of this nationality also like to joke and laugh. They often tell jokes about Chechens themselves. Once a Moscow taxi driver had to take a Chechen who worked as a speech therapist. The passenger decided not to waste time and by the end of the planned route corrected the driver's speech defect. Now, instead of saying: “3,000 rubles to Domodedovo, he says: “You only have 200 rubles.”
