Funny jokes about Brezhnev

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

Jokes about Brezhnev were very popular in the Soviet years. You can find some of them in this article. Here are collected the funniest jokes about Brezhnev according to the results of several ratings.

Foreign relations

Leonid Ilyich is coming to the United States for the first time. After the official meeting, the so-called conversation without ties takes place. Naturally, the dear guest is treated to various American-made dishes. Leonid Ilyich, as an ardent communist and an opponent of everything Western, decided to poke a colleague and asked: "And at whose expense is this banquet?" The American president was a resourceful person and did not go into his pocket for a word. He immediately found something to answer: “Let's go to the window! Do you see this bridge? Instead of spending 10 million dollars, we spent 9 million on it. Well, actually…”

The next year there was a return visit of the American President to the Soviet Union. Again after the official meeting there was an informal part. The leader of the American nation, in turn, asked the Secretary General: “What money was the wholethis banquet? Leonid Ilyich, without thinking twice, says: “Let's go to the window! Do you see the bridge? The American President made a negative gesture with his head. Leonid Ilyich says: “Well, actually…”.

On paper

Brezhnev meets with Margaret Thatcher, who arrived on a visit to the Soviet Union. The Secretary General, together with the accompanying persons, approaches the gangway of the plane from which the Iron Lady is descending, and takes out a piece of paper from his jacket pocket, on which he begins to read: "Dear Indira Gandhi …". The secretary standing next to him pulls him up and whispers in his ear: “Leonid Ilyich, this is Margaret Thatcher!” Brezhnev begins to read again: “Dear Indira Gandhi!” Again the adviser interrupts the Secretary General: “Leonid Ilyich, this is Thatcher!” Brezhnev says: "I see it's Thatcher. But it says "Gandhi".

Brezhnev arrives in the Uzbek Soviet Socialist Republic. He is met by the local government in full force. According to Eastern tradition, Uzbeks greet the guest with the words "Salam Aleikum!". Leonid Ilyich, according to all the rules of oriental etiquette, answers: "Aleikum salam!" A delegation of Uzbek pioneers also approached Brezhnev and also said: "Salam Aleikum!" The five-time Hero of the Soviet Union also answers this: "Aleikum salam." Then a group of Uzbek workers approached the Soviet delegation, who know only two words in Russian “Soviet Union”, nevertheless, they decided to demonstrate their brilliant knowledge and said:"Soviet Union". To this, the Secretary General, without hesitation, answered them: “Soviet Union.”

Jokes about Brezhnev and Suslov and not only

Many creations of oral folk art are also dedicated to the peculiar diction of the leader. Here is one of the jokes about Brezhnev on this topic. At a meeting of the Central Committee of the Communist Party, Leonid Ilyich fell asleep. Waking up, the leader leans to the ear of Suslov sitting next to him and says: "The idea …". Suslov makes a questioning gesture with his head. Brezhnev again approaches the ear of his colleague and says: "The idea …". To which Comrade Suslov again makes an inquiring gesture with his head. Brezhnev, once again lowering his voice to a whisper, says: "And where am I?".

And now a little anecdote from a fantastic series about the leader of the Soviet people. Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev got into our days and, since he is no longer in the status of the head of the country, but makes, so to speak, an unofficial visit, he decided to go shopping for appliances and choose a new refrigerator for himself in order to return with a purchase to his bright past. Seeing a suitable model, he asks the seller how much this device costs. The store employee names the price 35,000. Brezhnev exclaims: “Well, if it’s a kopeck, then it’s expensive!”.

Poems

All citizens of Russia studied at school Nekrasov's poem "Who should live well in Russia?". And many even remember passages from there that they learned in their childhood. But the continuation of this topic, the rhyme “Who felt good in Russialive under Soviet power?”.

Yurka Gagarin, Nyurka the barmaid, Leonid Brezhnev, and the rest - as before.

Great speaker

Many jokes about Brezhnev are devoted to his brilliant ability to make speeches.

Although no new jokes about him have been heard for thirty years. However, Soviet jokes about Brezhnev are still very popular.

So, Leonid Ilyich performs at the opening of the next song contest. He begins his acceptance speech with the following words: “I am old… I am old… I am a super star.”

Secretary General held a meeting with workers in the meat industry. During his speech, he constantly used the phrase "socialist countries". After the meeting, the workers of the meat-packing plant sent a letter to the leader with a promise to withdraw from production the "shitty sausages" that Leonid Ilyich mentioned.

Jokes about Brezhnev and the Politburo

Leonid Ilyich says at the meeting: “Our government has recently become extremely uncultured! I'm not happy with this state of affairs! Something needs to be done about it! It is necessary to fight against manifestations of lack of culture and tactlessness. For example, yesterday, at Comrade Suslov's funeral, when the music started playing, I just asked the lady to dance.”

Under Nikita Sergeevich Khrushchev, the people were promised the establishment of communism in the Soviet Union by 1980. Under Leonid Ilyich, they decided to replace communism with the Olympics.

Secret levers

And here is one of the vulgar jokes about Brezhnev.

During the visit of the General Secretary of the Central Committee of the CPSU Leonid Brezhnev to the United States, President Cartergives him a tour of the White House. At the end of this meeting, the president proudly leads his colleague to a special secret control panel that hangs in a specially equipped office. The President proudly says: "If you press this lever, which is painted red, then Leningrad will fly into the air!" The politician follows the reaction of the Soviet leader with peripheral vision, but he maintains outward calm.

Carter decided to enhance the effect of his speech with the following phrase: "If I turn this lever, which is painted green, then Moscow will fly into the air." The head of America turns to his guest and waits for his response. Brezhnev, saving calmness, says the following: "You know, Mr. Carter. I had a Polish friend. She came from a very we althy family. There were two toilets in her mansion, one was red and the other was green. But when Soviet military equipment entered Warsaw, it messed up right on the street.”

Age of Stagnation

A citizen of the Soviet Union comes to the grocery store for shopping during the reign of Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev. He addresses the saleswoman with the following phrase: "Do you have any bread?" The trade worker answers him: "Comrade, there is no milk in our department, and there is no bread in the next, bread department."

Savvy

Finally, a couple more jokes about Brezhnev.

Leonid Ilyich read in a Western magazine that in Europe before puttinga person for a managerial position, he is checked for an intellectual test. The General Secretary calls Andropov to him and tells him: "Guess the riddle: who is your father's son, but not you?" Andropov says he needs an hour to think. Brezhnev calls Suslov to him and also asks him the same riddle “Your father’s son, but not you?” He immediately finds the right answer: “This is my brother.” After a while, Andropov returns, who never found the right answer Leonid Ilyich tells him: "What a fool you are, Andropov! Your father's son, but not you - it's Suslov's brother!".

A new plumber has appeared in the Kremlin. Not only did he fix the plumbing, but he also brought music to the toilets. The plumber sees that Shevardnadze is going to relieve himself, and put on the song "Suliko" for him. Shevardnadze comes out of the toilet and says: "I express my gratitude to you." Chernenko went to the toilet next. The plumber turned on the song "Bring Galya water" to him. Chernenko also announced gratitude to the new worker. When Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev went to the toilet, the plumber turned on the anthem of the Soviet Union for him. Brezhnev comes out and says to the plumber: "Have you been working for the first day?" He said he was the first. Brezhnev says: "The first and the last. Because of you, I had to relieve myself while standing."