Humorous monologues for women - ready-made texts

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

More and more often humorous monologues for women are heard from concert stages and TV screens today. A real breakthrough in this direction was made by the Comedy Vumen program. Yes, and women's KVN teams brought out many humorous monologues for women.

Lady's irony: with your sword and against your… neighbors

Humorous monologues for women are often directed against the shortcomings of the fair sex. That is, the ladies, as it were, laugh at themselves. And this is the zest that humorous monologues for women are so attracted to. Liberated, not ashamed to seem ridiculous and ridiculous, the artists allow you to see their shortcomings from the outside.

Here's the classic version: an offended wife shares her pain with her friend on the phone.

- And count up, he says to me: “You don’t have a hobby at all!” I have it - and no! Yes, I can open doors with my hobbies without the help of hands! And if I want, I can easily carry a bottle of champagne and a couple of pomelo things in them unnoticed from the wedding. Well, citrus with them -let it be “pomelo”… You, Ankh, why are you picking on me? I didn't get it… Are you for him or for me?

Fight, seek, find, don't let go

A whole layer of ironic works is dedicated to the problem of finding a soul mate. About how creatively some ladies try to solve the problem, humorous monologues about women that are sure to make listeners smile.

Most people's trait in thumbnails is that they imagine themselves quite differently than others see them.

The second "trick" is reflections on the representatives of the stronger half, which organically fit into the woman's humorous monologue. Ladies can talk endlessly about men! They simply love to remember their past connections, share their experience, how to “tame” their husbands, educate them. Humorous monologues for women are devoted to the search for a soul mate, the texts of which are presented below.

Announcement in the newspaper about dating "Cat in Socks"

Somehow an old lady came to our office alone. Well, God's dandelion is one word. From somewhere in the depths of her skirts, she pulled out a completed form of a free ad and laid it out on the table.

I took a piece of paper in my hands, I read it. And I'm just amazed! Granny's fantasy, it should be noted, is still what … inexhaustible! The first sentence blew me away. Listen to this: My cat! An affectionate and caring kitty is waiting for you in her cozy apartment, on a soft bed … Hurry up,otherwise someone else will take your place!”

And although we are instructed from above not to interfere with clients with our ideas and tips, I could not resist and asked: “Grandma, why do you need this “cat”? You live quietly in your cozy apartment - and okay. And then some rascal will appear, smoke, scatter socks around … "And the grandmother answered me:" Daughter, where did you see cats in socks, huh?

Grandma really was looking for a cat for her cat, and I already thought I didn’t know what.

Humorous monologue of a woman about men "Fatal sexy looking for a soul mate"

This text can be a continuation of the first thumbnail, since the action takes place in the same edition where announcements are accepted. But this time a lady of very magnificent forms in a lilac short coat, a green hat and an orange scarf came. The announcement said that the fatal sexy is looking for her soul mate. Okay, I clenched my teeth and kept silent: sexy so sexy, everyone has their own understanding of this word.

Monologue about the first wife and cabbage jam

And the lady sat down in a chair and decided to share with us her memories of her past husbands.

- My first husband was, in principle, a good person. He was just too obsessed with food. Whatever I cook, he always compares it with my mother's cooking. "Cucumbers don't fry!" And why? These are the same zucchini, only unripe. Why not fry them? “They don’t make jam from cabbage!” It's strange… They cook from tomato, cook from pumpkin, but not from cabbage?

I'm onby nature a man with a fantasy. And I don't like walking on beaten paths. In general, we did not agree with my first characters.

The story of the second husband and the suit from under the bed

Lady - fatal sexy - continues her humorous monologue. Men and women switched places as if in her story. This adds irony to the speech: they are still accustomed to the fact that it is the stronger sex that sometimes allows itself to come home in the morning "under the schofé", and the lovely wife shames him in the morning for misbehavior. The stereotype is broken. Here the couple mixed up the roles.

- My second husband was a German. He pissed me off with his punctuality! Don't come home drunk at night! Well, what kind of statement is this? Where else can I go at night? It's too early to go to work, but it's too late to see my friends… And when I wake up, the brain is carried out in the second circle: don't shake the ashes into the sugar bowl, don't look for the suit under the bed. And where else can I look for it, if I hung it there … That is, I put it. Well, in short, he himself collapsed there! A bore, in short, in a word. And with this we did not agree on the characters.

Monologue about a third wife and lost socks

My third husband was an Estonian. With him, our socks became a stumbling block. Yes, yes, such simple things as ordinary socks can cause a divorce! “I am tep-pe at-tal a good number of us-skoffs, each pair of rolled-up truk after truffle. Pa-achimu ani at tep-five is losing?” How do I know why these socks keep getting lost?I already began to put them right like that, rolled up in a lump, into the washing machine. Failed again! Here my missus didn’t like that his sweater changed color. There was some greyish, nondescript such. And it became - a breathtaking color! Actually, there turned out a whole combination, one might say, rainbow colors. A designer find, by the way … But - my husband did not appreciate the flight of my imagination. Did not agree with the characters and with this. Here, now the last hope for you.

And the "fatal sexy" straightened her orange scarf, throwing it casually over the shoulder of a lilac short coat.