A few words about those who lead the troops: funny jokes about generals

2024 Author: Leah Sherlock | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 05:25

Army humor is very explosive. No, not in terms of danger as such, but in terms of the fact that from some jokes you can tear your stomach from laughter. There are a huge number of anecdotes about soldiers, warrant officers, other ranks and ranks. Of course, the "narrators" in this sense did not bypass the generals - the senior ranks of our army personnel. Let's remember a couple of "very-very" jokes about generals.

General is the head of everything

Yes, in the army the general is the head of everything. But not infrequently to the rank of general such senile men bent by old age or drunken officers are promoted to the rank that their brains have long since shrunk from time or from excessive doses of alcohol. From here, the legs grow at jokes about generals, listening to which, although you smile, you think.

Generals, their advanced age and addiction to bad habits

This is what the writers of the following two jokes hint at:

Waking up with a hangover after another drinking bout and glancing at the mess around the bed, the general calls the adjutant. Starley is right there:

- Yes, Comrade General!

The General says, grimacing with a headache:

- Vanya, look, there was some drunken rubbish yesterday, my whole tunic vomited … I should clean it …

Starley, rummaging through the general's things, stated with disgust:

- Comrade General! This drunken rubbish not only vomited on your tunic, she also emptied your pants…

In the morning the adjutant says to the general:

- Comrade General! You are wearing your pajamas upside down!

- Yes? How did you recognize? At the seams?

- No, you put dried feces outside…

Generals and subordinates

In this section there are a lot of jokes about generals and soldiers, most of them are related to drill reviews. Like this one:

The General arranges a review of the troops. The gallant personnel are lined up in divisions on the parade ground. The general knows that nothing improves morale as much as talking to ordinary soldiers face to face, and therefore condescends to approach the lined up units and walk along the line. Approaches one soldier, stretched out at attention, and asks:

- What's your last name, fighter?

He answers:

- Sokolov, Comrade General!

- Sokolov? The general puts his hand on the soldier's shoulder and pats it lightly. - Well done, Sokolov! Oh man! Falcon! Realfalcon!

Passing on. He asks the next soldier for his last name. That one:

- Orlov!

He taps him on the shoulder again:

- Well done, Orlov! Eagle you are with us! Eagle!

To next:

- Surname!

- Medvedev!

- Wow! Brave fighter! Bear! A real Russian bear!

To next:

- Surname!

- Kozlov!

The General, without waiting, put his hand on his shoulder, but when he heard the name, he was a little puzzled. Then, nevertheless, she pats him soothingly on the shoulder and says:

- Kozlov? Nothing, nothing, nothing…

Generals in normal circumstances

Generals, like all other people, have a personal life, because they are not at headquarters day and night. And here are some jokes about generals from everyday life:

The son asks his daddy general:

- Dad, what about dad? Can I become a colonel when I grow up?

- Of course, son! We will contribute a little and you will definitely become!

- And the general?

- Yes, and a general too. We'll contribute a little and become a general if you want.

- And the marshal?

- But with the marshal, son, a snag. Marshal is not destiny.

- Why?

- Duc, the marshal himself has a son growing up…

The anecdote about the general in the circus deserves special attention. It is clear that the generals are accustomed to order: everyone must stand on the line, and the leaves on the trees must be painted in color by the time he arrives at the unit.seasonal color.

So, the son persuaded his father-general to go with him to the circus. Someone is always fussing in the arena: dogs are running, seals are lying, etc. When a whole horde of acrobats appeared on the arena, the general could not stand it and, jumping up from his seat, stretched out at attention, in a thunderous commanding voice, as if yelling: “Stop this mess immediately!”

Generals in public transport

Although generals have a huge weight in military circles and travel everywhere in official cars with personal full-time drivers, on vacation they have to go or fly in ordinary civilian transport. Their ranks and positions, as a rule, still do not reach personal aircraft. Hence the many jokes about generals on the train, a couple of which we will present in our material.

There is a general with his dog on the train. In the compartment with him sits a Jew. The general does not treat Jews very well at heart, and in order to annoy him, he constantly trains his dog:

- Moishe, come on, sit down! Now lie down, Moishe! And now the voice, Moishe, the voice!

The Jew, finally unable to stand it, turns to the general:

- It’s immediately obvious that your dog is so smart, because she is Jewish, otherwise she would definitely become a general…

A general, a mother with a young daughter and a cadet of a military school are on the train. As the train enters the tunnel, the distinct sound of a kiss and a back slap is suddenly heard in the darkness.

Mother thinks to herself: “Well done, daughter, don’tconfused, so him!”

Daughter thinks: “Fie, what strange warriors! I'm younger and prettier, but for some reason they stick to my mother …"

The general thinks: “Well, this is necessary! The cadet is impudent, but I got bald head!”

The cadet thinks: “We’ll drive into the next tunnel, I’ll smack my lips again and charge the general with a bald spot!”

Conclusion

Of course, this is not even a hundredth of the jokes about generals. But, we hope that the ones mentioned by us were able to cheer you up. On this cheerful note, we say goodbye. All the best to you and good mood!